一句罢了

“...循规人道处理为不二之选，因为它已被广泛接受”。

你能具体说明他受到谁的广泛接受吗？

剥夺其他生命究竟还能有什么人道可言？西方人什么东西都要扯上人道两字，殊不知这只是对自己懦弱和心理不平衡的掩饰，为丑陋的人性披上美丽的糖衣。一群人渣拥有共同的歪理，并将其美化、合理化及合法化。啧啧称奇也。要残杀就残杀，不要为之寻求神圣般的代名词。坚守人道的话，请就现在起莫谈资本主义与现有的政经文教。一句话，几百万年前石器时代蛮人当道的世界，请问人道会有什么价值可言? 当人们越野蛮、越蠢的时候，人道两字便越珍贵不是？只不过是时间贯穿于不同阶级的愚蠢度罢了。Humanism一字，还有能比它更轻浮、更霸道、更虚伪和更不人道的吗？

愚为笨、傻...

昧为目不明、不明白、白目...

愚可为，愚昧不可为。

人类到底几时才能再醒觉呢？请别再以愚昧自居了！

Ohaibainutting

Hello when was the last time I blogged about "I woke up, had bruncher (breakfast + lunch + dinner), then stone in front the monitor or staring at the ceiling whilst waiting the day to pass and nothing else of interest"? 

Here it goes,

Attended my unofficial godmother's birthday treat at a restaurant in Melodies. Been there at least 36273 times. It was fun that mummy got to meet up her SIGS gang. So cool of them to still keep in touch until now cos it has been more than 30 over years after their graduate from SIGS. Hope our kkl gang can prevail that long which I totally have no doubts on it ^^

I went for the midnight cheung k session with some of my kkl members as most of them are not free during the " day time promotion hours". Yes, they have a life unlike me. We sang from 11pm to 4am. Not enough, miraculously my voice is still there. It will normally went mute after every session. But I guess either my skill has rocketed or I've accustomed to my usual 1-9pm standard. Will see how then cos I don't think karaoke is a popular trend of killing time over the States. I need to sing the share that I won't be getting otherwise after I transferred. I can't tolerate other karaoke outlets than the beloved franchise N and franchise R. Mereka tu memang best in the world or at least in my world. Well, so after all the run and fun, we got off the place at 5th floor to the carpark at basement. Hell it was 4am,  pitch dark, nada living things were in sight of 300m radius! The girls were freaked out as my car was isolated from all others since most of them used B1 (I cleverly parked at B2). But oh well, I couldn't be bothered as I don't really believe in things not in accordance to scientific laws (I'm a future scientist mah!), so I wanted to drive over to the Autopay machine to pay in distance of less than 200m away from the car cos the girls were turning green and making some imaginative plays in mind so they needed to secure themselves in the car prior to anything else lah! Girls being well...girls *roll eyes*. So before I got off hurriedly to the Autopay machine, BBL said she spotted a janitor in red walking down the escalator (well, CS's janitors are of red uniform cos I worked there for a few times in history, and they touch down around 10pm normally when the complex closed) but NONE of us actually saw, nil, nada! It was getting very eerie as BBL was so sure about it and she warned me not to step out of the car, thus we turned to the Autopay at B1 instead. Reminds me of an incident years ago whereby a janitor committed suicide in CS by jumping down from the 4th floor and landed head on before Season bakery due to his World Cup debt. Anyways, we paid and left. Sent them home. Reached home at 4:30am. Got sounded by the parents a while. End of story.

By the way, BBL has very sensitive sense to paranormal beings and she's the one who usually provide us with been-there-done-that first hand stories about her experience. In a way, she sort of has this thing called 3rd eye or 6th sense or whatever to that effect. I'm surrounded by these extraordinary peoples in my life. Few of my other friends and cousins possess this ability to see things that we can't see in normal course. I'd prefer not to have this ability. I don't think it's something that can be classified as gifted and pleasant. I mean how many of you out there wish to see all kinds of smoky/grotesque/halfbodied/horror/shapeless/fanged/emotionless/vengeful moving beings flash across you when you are most probably doing some very normal routine in life like sleeping, doing bowel business, eating etc.? There's only one person called Melissa Gordon that are more than willing to assist those who had passed on but earthbound due to unfinished business. Go look for her then, not us "chickened littles". Having said that, I still respect "them" in every way I can. Sometimes, things can't be avoided you see. And I seriously think that car park is a place infested by "things" from other dimensions. Kid you not, it's officially our 2nd similar encounter in a car park with the first being in Plaza Pelangi's basement car park eons ago. One of us took a photo with the handphone and spotted an unidentified being in the photo with vague human outline but the expression on that "thing" is the classic of what you usually hear from someone with a similar experience of this kind. Of course we deleted the photos without a second thought and called it an end. Some of us prayed so hard after that and couldn't stop chanting mantra for few days in assist of hanging all sorts of religious talismans around, like me.

Traumatized. 

And so I hope this is not that omg "I woke up, had bruncher (breakfast + lunch + dinner), then stone in front the monitor or staring at the ceiling whilst waiting the day to pass and nothing else of interest" anymore. Don't you just love what you expected to be run of the mill to turn out like a merry cupcakes? Haha it's more fun being a random person.

Lay off balik kampung with the STACT's CS-ians/Visa application/Uni. matters (setulusnya, SANGAT pain in ass please remove it asap!) and the comfort zone aside, I'm setting off for a 1 month stint taken for pleasure (I SERIOUSLY hope it is, with every fibre of my being). Haven't tried to be this adventurous before but I'm telling you that I'm going hardcore this time! . A bit nervous though. So much uncertainies and I'm just so small but nothing's in my way (cliche). God bless the parents and the sister with pink health especially mummy! Please give her more calciums/collagens but not pain killers! Stupid mchknnccbwtfbbqdvd osteo disorders. I'm gonna swallow all of you like sup tulang one fine day!

Something awkward happened today but I'm not gonna disclose it since it's irrelevant and rather personal, and err...inconvenient? What it's supposed to be will remain as it is forever, you get me? :)

Gonne meet up with Cheryll tonight after for almost 1 year! She's back in JB for a week already but I assume she has been under quarantine for all the H1N1 hoo-haas :s

Sorry Jessica for ffked you that day, we'll wait 'till July ok? If you're still around Sg. by then. ;(

Thanks Frog, now that you've finally kept your promise :)

My MSN died on me for the 2nd time. I've no idea why prolly cos of virus attack or bugs. Therefore the lack of signing in...vagination!

This few days are quite packed, grandma's birthday on Saturdays so relatives are all back here. Edmund cuzzie will be back on next week until August. Let's see what he has got for me out of his few months backpacking over the Europe continent!

It's 7:08am and I'm still up. What's coming? Sincerely hoping for a good day ahead :DDDD

Nites.

p/s : Friends, I'm terribly sorry if I ever ffk. I'm conciously aware that my ffk rate has been on the higher side recently. My life's been very unpredictable owing to few factors which I think some of my closest friends may know. I seek forgiveness from all.

心中独白之起承转合

起 ：说真的，一开始我真的很不看好我的组员，甚至是我自己。第一，我的组员是传说中来自所谓“敌方”的人马毕竟会引起我们一些不必要的遐想。第二，我有一种心有余而力不足的不祥预感，因为我真的很懒，一个星期上三天的课，剩余的时间还是去打工的好，做活动又没钱赚又要受一大堆的闷气对吗？第三，组员来了又走，特别是学术组，人马不知道换了几万次，而且什么样的人会加入连我们做组长的都完全没有权利过问。第四，我的搭档在开会时落泪真的对我打击很大，当时很想退出就算了。第五，原本还以为换了执委、换了新血，会有不一样的收获，但是才不下几天，观察了一下，糟了，只不过换汤不换药罢了。一切的一切，让我真的很想退出，可是我又不想坏了自己的名誉（虽然根本上并不存在），所以唯有咬紧牙关，期待时间能过得快一点。

承 ：一番风雨路后，筹备也如火如荼地开始。表面上我们分工合作，但是我知道我的搭档做的相对的多了一点因为他始终呆在学校的时间要比我多，又有车，所以所谓的“三大执委”有啥事都会第一时间通知他。至于我，嗯...只能说好像是可有可无的阿飘吧! 他们吩咐我做什么我就做罢了，完全没有动力去探索。很颓废对吗？但是要知道有时候我想耍些小聪明、动点小新意最终都会被推翻或才后之后觉，“eh...他们好像已经事先有了自己的想法哦！哇铐！不早说又一直提醒我们发挥创意，全部你们讲完啦...”。有时候几位看不下去的执委也会不断提醒我们组要加油，因为某别组现在的表现真的甲于我团，很可能会在活动后的某不必要的仪式上获得最佳组别。我心想，“去你的，这又不是我参加此活动的最大目的。况且，就凭他们抖抖屁股、左摇右摆的那几天”？我组的任务要比他们更靠近重心与宗旨，涵盖的活动十个手指都数不完，筹备都没时间还管你那么多？而且我们背后其他的努力你们又看到多少？你们也不是因为仗着他们跳舞好玩每每都去串门，难不成要来看我们学术如何沉闷地讨论怎样出题难倒学生、怎样提倡教育、怎样衰败到八个组员只来三个的窘境吗？所谓的学长团，讲难听点，各个都要表现自己的实力让大的吃馒头，小的吃拳头，而我们学术组的学长们却个个人间蒸发，再不然就是放飞机放到一个样，连一些重要的指南到最后一分钟都还下落不明。千呼万唤都使不出来，然后限期又要到了，左右为难，囧不囧你跟我讲？这下看在他们的眼里，我们是多么落后、没效率、没纪律。而我自己，明知道我的搭档都抢着做，就好像为了跟上进度拼命找事做咯！也真的难为了我的搭档，他也是因情势所逼才不得已扛下一切的。所谓物极必反，他也因此常常奔溃和抓狂，而我超高的EQ只好百忍成金以至三大执委一直慰问我“你还行吗？觉得跟他搭档还可以吗”？我都是一笑至之，因为纯粹以不想惹事生非为大前提。在加上之前也有和他合作搭档的经历，还蛮了解他的作风的（就除了他泪洒开会台的那一次除外）所以我认为这一路走来还没什么问题，没有人是完美的。如果那样来说的话我觉得我自己更加糟糕啦！所以组员们，之前那个叫他“消失好不好”的是另有其人，并非你们所想的，要知道这世界是很大的哦!   回到重点，给别人看到我们连到最后关头的准备工作时来的组员还是只有两三个，我和搭档真的是很不好意思。虽然知道缺席的组员都是自己生活中的朋友，也算是了解他们的能力（红杉军的高层执委嘞！），对他们还是颇有信心的。可是信心归信心，别人可不是那么想，因为别人都认为他们（或是“别人”自己本身）都带有包袱和心结。什么包袱和心结？胎死腹中的十九届前执委不积极事件及红杉军与蓝杉军上一代留下来未完的恩怨咯！我也不懂为什么啦！反正访间都这样流传，传来传去，无聊透顶！但是，有时高层人员的高深莫测、拖泥带水、优柔寡断和变幻莫测也使得我们进度不断受阻饶。一句话，惨不忍睹来形容我们的准备工作。虽然执委再三吩咐我和搭档最好不要插手于组员应当做的琐碎事，但是如果到头来手忙脚乱、败事有余的时候一部份的责任也不都还要找上我们？谈何容易！

转：临出发的一天，很典型地，又给我来什么心与心交流的。搞得某些人不知为了什么哭哭啼啼，讲好听是剖白，难听点是哭夭。已经把我们折磨得累到半条命（当时是清晨两点多，我组还有一大堆事没搞惦，printer又不争气，用的时候大家用，坏的时候乏人问津）隔天又要五六点起身东搬西搬到传说的目的地去，不懂的人还以为来了一大班僵尸呐！就这样他们以为当时的真情流露能凑效，但是我股子里不知骂了多少脏话，只差都把它们当场释放！煞是多余！ 要是这种场面发生在一切活动都完成过后的最后一晚的话，我无任欢迎！到了当地，也100%进入状况了，一路忙忙忙加上有一点的郁郁寡欢（sorry)，终于还是找到我的那份存在感！虽然有时手忙脚乱，但船到桥头自然直，至少没有搞砸整个活动还可以让人宾至如归那还不算好吗？难不成要达到好像学长团不停吹嘘的当年勇那般结果不成？有自己的风格就好，不要成为一直被他人操控的玩偶好不好！我本人是要承认我组主办的活动是有蛮多的漏洞被别人抓包但是并不代表我们没有可取之处到完全不被奖赏。别组也有它没被曝露的不完美，我们留台阶给别人下，不要象某些假面仙那么明确和直接地揪出来然后自己也没有好到那里去。所谓旁观者清，清者也自清，尊重他人就是善待自己。说实在，我也是到了接近出发的那几天才对我组有那份“革命情感”，要努力做到最好给他们！不然我抱着的态度仅是让他们自生自灭，因为我眼看之前的局势真的很消极悲观，不敢抱什么希望。还有，我总觉得这一团的人（犹指很多男生），都好像抱着另外一种心态来参加活动的。

合：活动落幕了,学到了很多做人的道理。幸好没有想象中的差，也对我组的表现抱有一些希望。期望大家的付出有被重视乃凡夫俗子之心对吗？有谁会喜欢一生默默耕耘，到死了功劳/苦劳始终还是被他人无情地剥夺呢？深知他们在某不必要的仪式上非官方性地颁发各类针对活动与团员的奖项时，我不禁心寒我组连半个奖项都沾不上边。我团基本上分三组争夺那五六个得奖名分，撇开得失心不谈，难道我组就没有被你们这般bigots奖赏以兹鼓励的半点原因吗？学术组的十几个活动啊，没一个能让你们看上吗？学术组有几个特有进取心、特有办事能力的组员，全部都是透明的吗？一堆石骨不化的机械人！别忘了我们活动的宗旨，你如果那么偏好康乐的话那我建议以后请低调含蓄地宣传我们的活动，不要误人子弟。以后你们就只主办歌唱比赛、篮球比赛、营火会够了，完事，为何当初要诸多要求给我们一大队狗屁理由去参加这个活动呢？搞得我们好像小丑那样被蹂躏，到头来又亏我们。Post Mortem 一百万次也得不到一个所以然。整天神神秘密搞闭门小组活动。独裁者、布偶领导人、自以为是的active bigots多不胜收也难怪这个社团越来越衰败，只差那么一点就要gulung tikar了。要在这团里立足，成事就要高调吟唱，败事最好掩人耳目。就因此社的座右铭是：忠言逆耳、活在当年勇、排斥新元素、马克思主义、独裁主义、3K主义、共济会、势必一辈子被政治人物利用。醒醒吧！看看这个两个字，改变。改变不是叫你们去撞墙或吞剑，有那么难吗？

p/s : 真的还是很对不起和感谢所有的学术组组员：Sherine, Sze Qi, EE Lian, Vivien, Sin Yee, Sai Yung, May Chong, Li Zhe。我们的付出不需要那一小搓人来肯定，不稀罕！只要我们自己开心，对得起天地良心就够了。上天的延迟并不是上天的拒絕，沒有所谓的失败，只有暂时停止成功! 在未来的人生里加油吧!

This is a one-off-er. Thereby, I swear there won't be a SINGLE post on this blog pertaining to that particular club in mentioned ANYMORE in future. Period. 

无状态 | 病态

冷 | 热

你看到了什么？

被动 | 主动

你又看到了什么？

真 | 假

你始终看不到那个什么吗？

我 | 你

你还是看不到什么吗？

强悍 | 优柔

这就是你眼里我的什么吗？

直 | 曲

是这样的什么吗？

好 | 坏

还是这样的什么？

瞧，

我就觉得做那个坏的什么比较没那么累 :)

所谓有理自清，我选择让文字来“自(字)辩”。

原因.....? 没必要去解释因为解释不是我做人的方式。

你们有时候也别太刻意去在意其中的那一条线，它并没有你们所想象的大条和复杂。

或许是代沟，鸿沟，水沟，不管什么沟都好，总有一天你们始终会明白，那个什么是要细心筛选的。

世界那么大，还是自己人最好，因为他们懂我的幽默。

愿祝天下太平。

And it reflects our hearts

I bought this loaf of bamboo charcoal bread from Lavender when I was at CS just now since I've been hearing so much about it (it's expired i know cos the photo is taken off google image). But I wonder what's so special in it? It tastes no where remote to normal white bread. Kononnya org ramai kata ia tu healthy and therapeutic wor! Can restore you back to your "heyday" and call back your "spring". Fui yoh, habis tu ubat 仙丹 lah! Tak taulah what kinda properties contain inside tapi ku percaya khasnya aphrodisiac mmg salah satu antaranya :p

And so sorry to say this but I cannot tahan if I don't say. The bread reminds me of someone. Now there's something that finally override her previous status of "burned toast" (which sounded very vague if i used it on her metaphorically) cos bamboo charcoal bread is almighty powderful. No white spots at all! It's almost or downright HER! 

Bak kata pepatah, kuning oleh kunyit, hitam oleh arang.

Bye.

0 to 1

On the way to hospital a while ago, I saw a rabbit (a real one) prowling along the shoulder of a busy road. Surprisingly, it was not an usual sight that we get to see rabbit (hello, it's rabbit) hunting for food around our "friendly" neighbourhood in everyday event. After much contemplation about the entire scene that is not easily explained, my attention moved on with the speed of odometer. A conclusion reached : so what's the big deal, it's prolly just a rabbit who ran away from its cage by chance. 3 hours later on the way returning home, I passed by the same place and saw the rabbit lying in a tiny pool of blood slightly in the middle of the road, lifeless and inanimated. Prolly got hit and snubbed off by some vehicles. Either way, it just kicked the bucket without any logically valid reasons.

Sidenote : I don't think I will give a damn had this event happened in years ago. Am I getting more compassionate to say the least?

Mum's wardmate is an Indian lady in near 30 who has got warded for consuming paraquet intentionally. In a way, committed suicide. Fortunately, she was fine after undergoing lavage. Reason behind her act is due to the reveal of her husband's extramarital affair and perpetual provocation from the bitch. Mum sounded her. She asked her to put off some weight and then dress to impress. Well, it's righteous to do so in situation like this. 

Sidenote : The then me will go, "padan muka! shame on you, how can you expect a creature who thinks with its bottom half to get by with an ogre like you?" But when I got to know the news after 38-ing session with mum just now, I had the urge to go over give her a pat on shoulder. I mean seriously, the foolishness part aside (they have 2 children already), they should do what's best for their children and running away from reality is really the worst solution. Can you see the difference in approaching already? It's like seeing the glass half full or half empty that sort of effect. And why so?

Verdict : We are all changing in a way that we failed to notice (above's for illustration purpose only) across time and space; and for better or worse. We don't just change because we say so but we've defintely changed if others say so. Lookers-on see most of the game.

Another one

How much democracy is enough?

How much freedom of expression is enough?

How much transparency in administrative procedure is enough?

How much justice is enough?

How much power struggle is enough?

How fair is enough?

How rich is enough?

How bad of a party is enough?

HOW MUCH EXACTLY IS ENOUGH? Anyone?

Are we trying to look up to what has been happening today in our northward neighbouring country? Is it fun to have social disintegration in colours and endless fighting among different representations? Do we like seeing our country currency depreciate to new low, retraction of foreign investments, new high unemployment rate, recession, inflation, violent public demonstrations that drove tourists away, and everything that has been building up from the past 51 years to collapse over a word of democracy? 

It is a long fight and I don't think we are all well prepared for it because this is simply not our culture unless we are willing to forgo all the goodnesses we are enjoying right now. Otherwise, we should just shut up or give constructive point outs from now onwards. 

Instead of fighting about who's right and who's not, who should rule and who should not, picking against each others; why not we all stand up and fight for a better place to live? Aren't we all doing these for the betterment of our beloved country in the first place? So stick to it.

比你贱

来来来，大家一起猜灯谜！

猜一种动物，

1. 别人幸运时就想分一杯羹，自己倒霉时就拖别人下水。

2. 逞英雄，耍出众，爱得到所有人的崇拜。

3. 永远只会抱怨自己没有什么却很少珍惜现有的东西。

4. 忌妒，羡慕，炫耀一系列，对现状只有莫名的不安，也不懂要追求的是什么。

5. 贪图名利，肤浅，爱把臭铜废纸和闪亮物体往脸上贴。

6. 看其他事物时视力超好，看自己时却近乎是瞎的。

7. 自以为是却什么都不是。

8. 地球最不应该存在的生物，自称高等动物但大体上愚昧成份占百分之九十五。

9. 虚伪造作，为了生存而永远只能带着塑料般的躯壳亮相。

10.有时无情无义，必要时禽兽不如。

提示 : 两个笔画，竖起食指指向自己。

(答案请往下)

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答案 : 人。

你猜对了吗？

Little thoughts in 10 to indicate my blog is still alive

1. The 19th CS (formerly RS) was fun but before all the fun, it was actually more of agonies. Yes I should not be complaining except the part being exploited for political reasons. Well, it was sponsored by political body so yeah, they provided the fund so they had all the says in theoretical sense. That the most I can say, we have already done our part. Objective achieved. Thanks everyone who made it possible. Case closed.

2. Organic Chemistry I with Lab (check). 4 bonus credit hours insured.

3. What's with swine flu if i may ask in utmost graceful manner? Why must it be here of all time in the universe? If it has to be epidemic like some other stupid influenzas, we might as well give it a synonymous meaning to the word "fuck-off"? Not like I care that much since I have runny nose for most of my life being a temperature change and dust intolerant person. Bring it on!

4. I have a new foster father. Not sure whether it is a good thing or the opposite. Obviously there is still plenty of room for improvement to intensify our relationship. In fact, the past few days with him is nonetheless happy but overshadowed by a state of mechanical love. I just do not quite understand why all the tearings. More time and close interactions are needed to break the barrier that has been building for 22 years. I would say, not so easy.

5. Everybody wants to be hero when they are working in a group, team or whatsoever.

6. No more Asia Cafe, Baker's Cottage, RapidKL, Waffle, Yau Char Kwai, Chu Yok Fun, Taman Bandaran Kelana Jaya, Subang Jaya Uptown, LDP, Damansara Uptown, Char Kway Teow, Chicken cutlets with rice, Mentakab etc. in the mean time which is a good thing but I will surely miss few of all those listed above in the category.

7. I still cannot quite tolerate people with phoney characters.

8. My laughter and my heart do not coordinate as good as before.

9. I realised that I get annoyed easily especially being tied up to extremely ceremonious events. Why must we live up to symbolic events if we can very well achieve the same thing by skipping the needs of it? It is only a symbol, one that glamourized the surface for all the wrong reasons. Action speaks louder, people!

10. + + x = *. No matter how much hatred I harboured against you, you still make up part of my life.

I have not been sleeping too well but I am complete by now. Bye.

放大/显微

我。虽然一无是处，呆头呆脑。
但，我。从不稀罕你的几句赞美。
你。是假的代名词。是蠢的动词。是猪的形容词。
下次也请把你的虚伪做作掩饰得好一些。
看到你，听到你，令我感到很累，很反感。
请你消失好吗？谢谢。

还有十天的流水战要打。我已几乎瘫痪。哀哉。呜呼！

不管！我现在就要Humble Beginnings' 的 mille crepe! Ee Lian!

To hold a pinch of sand

Ok, so I should finish up this post as soon as possible for I need to wake up at 6.30am later. 4 hours of sleep is way too luxury in this time of life. My complexion totally fuckep up from all the layers of mask donning. Attended a 8 hours talk on Monday and although it was kinda light hearted and fun but I can smell what's underneath (i'm never a person who likes talks). It was either up to no good or its opposite, maybe it's just me who think otherwise. To the greater part, I bet they definitely enjoyed it judging from all their durable praises on certain speaker. What about me you might ask : mentally absent from extreme fatigue. I'm so proud at least I did not die on the spot. Yesterday was the first day where all preparations pertaining to this event kicked off. Total amount of members attended, 2.5. Gross progression, 5% (I told them 20% to avoid unwanted dispute). Actually, I don't know what I've done and needed to do. I have so many things in mind but shame to say, all too messy and random. Nothing productive has been done as yet but I think there are still time and chances ahead. We have 5 backdrops to be done compared to our counterparts which only has 1. We have 12 events to manage and they have maybe 4? We have 9 of us in our division and they have less than that amount. They have 80-90% of attendance rate and we have only 10-30%. The excos must have been laughing their kidneys out on us. There's nothing we can do. I think all of us know our stands and there's nothing we can't overcome or it's just me being good for nothing in the end?

8 more days to the deadline, I still don't have the time (and energy) to pack my stuffs and get my ass out of this place. My landlord will seriously cast my belongings (and me) off by the end of this month if I don't space out the damned room (it's contract bound, hello?). And In light of what the exco told us, we need to get by with sleeping bag, torch etc. or lack thereof. Amazing. I've got none. You can congratulate or strangle me now. No way I'm gonna buy them since I already have more than what's needed amount of them back home. Then now what?

Sleep! 3 hours left to another rat race. 

Anyways, I'm still stuffed from the late dinner and later supper. I can't sleep and I can't wake up! Help!

陪人客摇来摇去~

Once upon a time, there were 2 suagus (they know who they are) who wanted to venture the goodness of trying their lucks. Well considering that Genting is too far away from home, the mega casinos across the causeway are still pending, and nope, we don't have that kinda leopard guts to brave underground's! Therefore, we were left with the last and only option, Royale Star cruise, a place stone throw away from our comfort zone. We've been getting unanimous feedbacks about this cruise actually when we tried to ask around the elders (yes, that place is or mostly frequent by people of age 50 and above, I'd say 99% perhaps). Despite the excitement of rolling your money in foreign currency and free but subpar quality buffet, we suspect the cruise is quite shabby and of cos the casino inside is dodgy. They will definitely go the extra miles to con all our money and strip us off with nothing left in the end then push us down the sea to feet sharks or force us to sign up "loanshark" scheme. Either way...

we went for it -_-.

海阔天空 

Got a tiny swimming pool leh! Or rather a place to get wet only.

Vessels in the "international" sea region. This part of the sea belongs to no one. Neither Malaysian, Singaporean nor Indonesian but it's bordering South China Sea and Selat Johor I think. Actually I didn't know where were we -_-. Could've went on a Somalian pirate ship or 贼船 instead.

Somewhere along the deck with few emergency backup boats. Anyways the cruise remained stationary and stoic sien.

Obligatory shot at the helipad

Obligatory shot 2 (as of now you should notice that people around me are all heavyweighted "重量级" and I'm basically under the influence)

Puak kiao! There were people playing the slot machines.

Standing at the 康庄大道 haha.

Happy cos he won a fortune.

Fui yoh beautiful siol!

On the shabby ferry that transported us to the main cruise. 2 hours of sailing wtf!

All of us won some $, very meagre sum only so don't ask us to treat or whatsoever ok? At least what we won is able to cover all our expenses and therefore, the trip is sort of "sponsored" with little extra bonuses for everyone in the end. We're all richer by the time we reached the shore :D

Oh...while I was having my late dinner with my parents at Taman Molek. We witnessed another snatch theft case again. This is like the 3rd/4th time I witnessed a similar case in JB with my own eyes. Polis Diraja Malaysia, hello? Masih tidur ke? There's always a reason why people pick apart our homeland cos our police force is as weak as nonexistence. They will only be visible around the neighbourhood when media and politicians stir up the issues. Otherwise, tidur dan sikap "tak apa" adalah budaya mereka. So my say is, to get rid of unbecoming crime rates, we must get rid of the police at first. Seriously, are they even carrying out their duties? Tegas, adil dan berhemah...otak engkau lah! Why should we give in sometimes? It's our right after all and we've all the more reasons to take things for granted if only they can be less corrupted. Nia sing.

Hello world

...won't you listen!

I feel like writing so much these days but I guess time is the factor hindering this piece of urge and well inspiration is crucial since it has been going on strike for the past few weeks or months? Right, whatever. Nothing so eventful in my life of late, weep-worthy I know. I hate the feeling of going for final exam but then again why am I bitching in the first place for I'm a 1-subjected people? It's very ironic when I have plenty of time on hand right now but find no ways of putting them in good use, for e.g. revise my one and only Organic Chemistry I which is unfortunately hanging on the thin line of failing and well I could've started packing my stuffs or spent time shedding those pesky weights either but no, nil, nada, none, not doing any of them productively so far. Yes yes, weep-worthy again. Go on, laugh.

Anyhow, this post is not about some senseless jabbering in wee hours, neither an emo one it is please understand. This is an obligatory entry to commemorate something worth commemorating after overcoming all thicks and thins. A milestone marked here at this point. 4 years don't pass easily I must admit. It's a complete failure and self-distructive time in life. Aside from uber tragic time management and hapless integration into cesspool filled with wusses over time, I've known a few friends that worth my whole life (although it doesn't come in much value but still...) that I don't wanna lose. The sense of familiarity we have within us right now will prevail across time and space eternally eventhough we won't be seeing each other that often in time to come but you know we are not gonna feel the long parting, affection thin saying no matter how. We sure will have enough topics to 38/gossips that can last us for at least 3 lives haha. Hopefully, you will get what I mean by the end of this entry cos ok...erm...friends are like durians. Shall I tell you why? Cos to find a good one, you must a hundred try hahaha! So I'm left with all the super high quality durians with me now and you know who you are :) 

And sorry if I'm being overly straightforward, gluttonous, ungenerous, short tempered, ignorant, the-typical-sarcastic-me, frugal, opinionative, forgetful etc. at times. All I can say is... 

this is who I am, please continue to accept them if you love me like how I love you by accepting who you are per se. Are we good? Ok :p

Gotta end everything at this point before I rattle on some you-don't-wanna-hear-cos-it's-not-the-typical-me corny confessions or start cursing your ancestors out of my usual digression.

Bye.

p/s : at least knowing those I love is a proof that living the past 4 years is not so much a trash afterall. i'm getting optimistic again :DDD and for those who incidentally read this, you don't have to reflect to me personally cos you know I'm such a prude I can't take all these vis-a-vis heart talks. so just keep them in heart will do. shit why am I so perasan now haha! *can see goosebump already*

XoXo

逍掰没有落魄久

有一位我尊敬的人，他叫包容先生。他住在我存在的某处。他每天都会默默地把我的不耐烦和暴躁装入他的瓶子里然后把它们浇熄。这阵子，由于他的工作量不胜负荷于往常。终于，他病了。他将短暂地离开我。临走前他百般叮咛，要我学会独立，要我不再对他依赖。他说，对我身边的人好就是要接受他们的一切不完美甚至迁就于他们的理亏。我知道，当一个人越脆弱越没有安全感时，我就得让他把他的不安往包容先生倾倒。他从不埋怨因为他知道大家彼此都是同类，有基本的操作模式。包容先生说，别人的不安分为两种，一种是赤裸裸摊开来的，另外一种是披上华丽包装的。他要我懂得分门别类，因为有些是包容先生所不能也不愿承担的。不能承担其一，郁闷的倾诉，其二，愤怒的抱怨。这些都要给予最直接的反应，禁止收藏。其余的如，口无遮拦，大言不惭，鲁班门前弄大斧，整平不摇半瓶摇的人种，就不能给予太大的回应，要把自身想法往肚子里吞然后交由包容先生处理。包容先生说这群人要比先前的值得怜惜，因为他们都不喜欢听取直接的真相，所以有他们说就没我说的，他们爱说什么就任由他们吧！包容先生又再三吩咐我千万不能当下地曝露我的想法。我问他，当面对一个我对他颇有好感的人时，是不是也要坚守这理念呢？他却说，爱一个人就要包容他的一切不完美，这游戏没有特定的规则，这也是他存在的最大原因。

授教了，我尊敬的包容先生，也请您多保重。

攀藤类

如果这世上只有一种最被受憎恨的东西，那么肯定是人性。

不要问为什么。

也没有为什么。

有些事情是没有必要去知道的。

只能说，世界末日已经算是神的宽待了。

生离死别

阿桑小姐走了...

虽然只对她的一首成名曲“叶子”颇喜爱（而且它在KTV是以长达8-9分钟的电影MV呈现所以我们通常都会海扁点唱这首歌的人原因是我们并不想花钱观赏千篇一律的MV画面啦！讲了都惭愧hor亲爱的阿桑小姐!）。

其实，我不能讲我特别地伤心因为跟她毕竟非亲非故（这样讲好像不大对嘞！你懂我的幽默啦！）。但是离别难免是难过的，不管以怎样的形势都好 ：既便是短暂的离别，离别后重逢重逢后又离别，长久的离别，甚至永远的离别，都有一套特别为他们打造的仪式。送行，送别会，送终，当下的气氛都会是很凝重的，有时候所谓欢送会表面的大器和欢愉往往只是过度装饰的哀伤，当事人骨子里不知淌了多少公升的眼泪才叫足够。

对我来说离别是我比较在意的部份，死亡的话就听天由命吧！也许离别就是造就大部份人不敢，不愿意，也不知如何面对死亡的的导火线。不过，逃避并不稍减死亡阴影对每个人的笼罩。人人必死的事实不但不会随着时间的消逝而消失，还会随着年龄的增长而愈发显得真实迫切！非但如此啊，生死问题看似遥远，却是在任何时间，任何地点都可能发生在我们身上的。所以，有时候我真的是很不明白为什么我们华人那么忌讳死亡。首先，思考死亡其实就是换个方式思考生命因为在生命里离不开死亡，死亡让生命变得有限，因为有限，所以要珍惜。再说，体认死亡也就是体认生命的意义，接受死亡非但不是对生命的放弃（看破尘世，释怀，放下包袱，来世再见什么杂七杂八，胡言乱语的东西），而是让我们承担生命的责任并且借由死亡的认识，让我们思考存在的意义。

长篇大论一番后，我觉得我应该草拟一份属于我自己的遗书了。而且我打从心底很渴望未来可以为自己举办一个别开生面的“生前”追悼会，听听大家赋予我最真实的感言。当然，可行度特低因为当你身边的人都知道你还在世时，是绝对没有所谓对你的肺腑之言的啦！深怕换来的只是一个很在意他人言语和放不下的自己。因此也唯有等来日那一天真的卦了，再化为空气中的灵魂飘回来聆听有生之年所听不到的真相。

安息吧，阿桑小姐...

俳句

身の上の露
とは更にし
らぬ哉

not at all aware
that life's dewdrop
is fading...

(小林一茶, 江戸文化十一年)

ちる花や已
におのれも
下り坂

cherry blossoms scatter--
my life too is heading
downhill

(小林一茶, 江戸文化七年)

愚人节胡说八道

人之将死，其言也善，想到再过两个星期的期末考就很后悔自己为什么平日不多烧点香（家里没有神台），念多一点经（怕念错惹来更多 “好兄弟”），积多一点口德呢 （嘴生来就很贱）？现在要尽量地消除业障！所以大家有空就要熄灯为环保尽力懂吗？大家一起来做“省电侠”好吗？套一句老话，地球是大家的。阿弥陀佛！愿祝天下太平。

最近也有感而发, 突然觉得自己好像年华已逝。我知道，毕竟环绕在众多热血少年之中很难曝露自己高龄的事实，但是事实也总是要面对的啦！我也不会刻意去隐瞒。眼看大家都积极应用生命里每一分钟的同时，我却拼命地挥霍时间，努力地睡，吃，放空等等（不折不扣的大宅男可以吗？!）。虽然手头上有很多烦人的琐碎事要除理，但是也还是心有余而力不足。其实我也活过十八，九岁，什么放纵事没有做过叻？就只差坐牢罢了嘛！巅峰期过了，现在对身边的事都很冷漠，可有可无。除非你要无条件赐我一百万那么就另当别论啦！说穿了人类也不过是现实动物，一块肥肉摆在眼前不去抢岂不亏了自己？不得了了，讲了酱多好像八十几岁人讲的话！这次又要被人斥老成了。 算了，我通常也不多加理会，只要清楚自己在做什么，对得起天地良心就行了。

话说回来这一路走来真的很像一场梦。每个阶段所遇到的人，碰到的事物都好像没有什么关连。我也没有所谓留恋于哪一个人生阶段拒绝前进。没有留恋也纵使我对每段过去很陌生，感觉很不是现在的我，而且有时候还会对一些自己当初的作为感到费解 （都要归咎于很主观的“当时的感受”吧！）。改变是必然的，各个阶段都是人生的一个历练，过了就好像换壳一样，一切都是在为未来打算和准备。而那个未知的未来也没有很明确的指标，就是一直不断地走到尽头为止。 我想人类最明显的人生目标应该就非死亡莫属了，你可能不能很明确地去预测和规划你要怎样度过你的人生，但不得不知人得一死，也没有天长地久这一回事儿。死就是死，一切归零。你如果是基督/天主教徒，那么死亡很可能是你在另一个空间的开始罢了（天堂，地狱和炼狱）。回教徒的话要恭喜你晋升到真主的怀抱之中但是如果你有生之年没有一天朝拜五次的话最终可是要以地狱为家。道教徒，你有两条路可以选，天堂和地狱，道教的地狱很苛刻因为有十八层, 所以有生之年要三思而后行。佛教的话比较“人道”，既便是下地狱，如果到时勤练有素，肯改过自新还是能晋升涅磐去成佛，成不了佛的甭担心因为你还有六道四生可以轮回去投胎转世。总而言之，死亡并不可怕啦！悲惨的人生更加可怕，生不如死。死亡是解脱，是开始，是一个过程，也是众生在不同的时段移驾到另一个空间会合。

话题越扯越离谱，哈哈！善哉，善哉。

我觉得王菲的歌真得很像迷药，百听不厌。特别喜欢他那冷艳的北方儿化音唱腔，有一种脱俗又很华丽又很历尽沧桑的感觉。歌词中夹带的很多修辞隐喻，拟人拟物，双关语和她的唱腔配合得天衣无缝，还有一种莫名的神秘意境。

这首《美错》已经不自觉地在我的iTunes重复了n次。

本来相约他在海边山盟海誓
却找错地方来到一个游泳池
满眼水蓝的美丽
你我就从那里开始
蓝色的涟漪铺展一段回忆
你送我偶然从天而降的殒石
我一直误会那是颗完美钻石
不曾看见它的瑕疵
把它镶在我的戒指
我也没发现
有什么损失
让我感情用事
理智无补于事
至少我就这样开心过一阵子
不管他是真的你是假的谁是目的地
能自以为是也是个恩赐
不是来得太快就是来得太迟
美丽的错误往往最接近真实
尽管昏迷有时梦醒有时不坚持
人生最大的快乐也不过如是
所谓醉生梦死
大概就是这个意思
所谓天意就是
这个意思

林夕真的很了不起。

我要加油! (figuratively)

无题

我是很忌讳人家一哭二闹三上吊的，当你释放你的情绪时，请问你会不会顾虑到身边人的感受呢？他们递纸巾给你的一个小动作里隐藏了什么？怜惜？同情？看好戏？迁就？你不会懂因为你不是他们。在你落泪的时刻我不免想问你，何必呢？我只能说我是城府很浅的人，所以请你以后有话直说。只要你肯开口，无任奉陪！

有人曾问我旅行的意义何在？我真的不懂，但是我觉得，他的意义在于旅，而不是行。很多时候我们做一件事并不需要太刻意经营，要享受当中的过程，最重要的是能从错误和经验中学习并尝试性地去改变而不是在乎还有多少次能够重复体验同样事情的机会，做多了，难免只有意外的收获: 厌倦。毕竟人都是喜新厌旧，不断寻求蜕变的嘛！你可以踏遍全球各地但这不意味你是什么伟人，你看得多并不代表你学得多，你吃的盐比我们吃的米多也不能担保你能活得比我们更长命因为盐吃多了会得肾亏。当你发表你肤浅的言论时，我只能心里冷笑，笑你不可一世。为了尊重你的人格，你要知道我还是会礼貌性地给你指定的反应。与此同时我也正努力地去探索我所能从中享受的东西以便苦中作乐。

Change/Chance

I was never a leader sort of person in my life. I hate to lead cos I know people won't like my style once I get very engrossed in what I'm doing. But one thing I have to admit is I learnt a lot from this club especially communication skills. I have never felt so disheartening in any other occasion like today. As usual, we needed to do committee and top 3 meeting after every session of training. In a way, to give feedbacks and exchange thoughts for the journey we've came so far. The main issue revolving on today's meeting table were to open up our heart and talk about all the dissatisfactions we have against each other. When it was my turn to speak, I pointed out my own weaknesses and told them how guilty I felt for not being able to go to college 5 days a week in order to complete certain tasks. In fact I didn't speak out what I really felt deep down fretting someone will be offended. Well you know that sorta sensitive thing that the exco team and advisor team might not wanna hear. Ok everything went on quite well until some customary act happened and that's what I really hate about to happen in this kinda occasion, somebody wept. First it was one of the exco member and later my partner. I wasn't expecting anything from my partner cos the first few round she was still very keep to herself until someone hit the spot and then she broke out in tears. I knew something bad was happening. Indeed, she said in tremble voice that she felt very helpless as in whenever she wanted to put in all her efforts, no one was there to give her helping hands (something to that effect, I wasn't paying attention cos I was thinking about so many things during that freeze of moment). At that point, everyone was looking at me (I think) and I felt so awkward can dig a hole and hide. Aside from all the fingers pointing, I have really no idea why she felt so helpless in any given reasons, in fact no reasons for her to feel helpless at all since we've equal coverage of tasks and responsibilities. Others being external factors that beyond our control. If you didn't already know, I quitted my job just because of this project. I came for meeting most of the time even if I didn't have class on that particular day. I tried to help her in every possible way I could. Seek for senior's advice (which in turn got stood up 4 times), communicating with all the group members (as they need me to be the "good" one among the bad), do up paper documents, follow up on proposals, guide all my members...you name it. So at the end of the day, she still can't withstand the hardship that has been throwing into her face saying that she felt no one could help her and proceeded to weep along. I didn't feel a thing at that immediate moment so I stunned in heart with lotsa complicated feelings whilst staring into blank not making eye contact with anyone cos I know what I would be getting, a great deal of eyes looking at my direction eventhough she didn't speak forthright to the point. Come on we ain't that foolish. Although, I convinced myself that she didn't mean it but I do mind what she said to a certain extent. It affects me as a complete person. I ought to have a strong tie with my partner and I'm still trying very hard for her to accept me as a person who's up to her expectation. We're classmate this semester and we're still kinda close, so to say. I don't know but I felt challenged, I will improve no matter what but one thing for sure, I will not favour the act of tearing in front of people due to incompetence or hardship because when you cry, you will be the winner at that very moment despite any explanations. I could've defended myself but I didn't because I knew very well that I was in a weaker position. I don't mean to whine so much here but I seriously got no one to talk to regarding all these. As you know, whatever they said is always right, you don't get a second say. For example, when I told the president to sound us directly for dissatisfactions instead of beating around the bush, somebody will just come out and ask me to take back my words reason being I'm old enough to comprehend any untold events. I'm experienced, I'm old enough to behave, to think what people think...blah blah. What's the relationship between age and experience if I may ask? A 70 years old accountant may not know much about the achievement of a 25 years old biotechnologist in stem cell research field. Why? Food for thought. They should try to find out why are we still hesitate to speak our minds cos face it, they just refuse to take our words and will go the extra mile to counter the validity of each and every point we made. Their attitudes toward the entire project can only boil down into 4 words : 食古不化. In short, they are always right (according to the god-like free Marketing/Management 101 lessons we've been getting from them). I would say, very intelligent way of propagandizing but no thanks, please get straight to the point. I seriously dislike people being wishy-washy with me which gives me the urge to either crush their skull into pulps or pour acids into their eyeballs very badly. When we said we don't know, we really mean it, don't tell us you expect us to know by instinct. We weren't born with equal ability nor 6th sense do we?

I've just spoken to my dad on phone pertaining some very light issues.......I wish I could be at home without all these pressures. Why can't I even enjoy my last semester being in this crappy college? Oh well, it's crappy afterall so I don't know what I'm talking about and what's there to enjoy? Bummer.

Regret. I'm so regret.