Sumber Inspirasi

Berikutnya sumber-sumber inspirasi ku semasa musim merajuk dan "jutek" yang tak terhingga. Dah lah mengalami gangguan emosi sejak beberapa hari dahulu. Tak yah tanya apa sebabnya, orang-orang berkenaan patutlah mengerti. Ku nih memang tak suka orang bercekak pinggang dan bermulut murai. Apa yg ku catatkan di sini bukan utk jadikan buah mulut ke benda-benda yg mudah buat salah faham eh! Ini perkara penting yg ku rasa wajib dijelaskan sebelum ku menimpa nasib malang lagi yg tidak ketahui ku!

Harap-harap dan moga-moga pihak-pihak tertentu yg membaca blog ku ni dapat menghayati apa yg ku ingin pesankan dan jgn tumbuhkan niat yg tak baik selepas membaca ok? Terima Kasih atas kerjasama anda.

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Gambar-gambar benda yg jadikan sumber inspirasi ku selama cuti setakat ini.


Koleksi lengkap "The Lost Paradise I-V" penulisan bergambar Jimmy.

Koleksi yg tidak tentu kelengkapannya penerbitan Phoenix Satelite TV ( ditulis oleh Chen LuYu dan rakan-rakan)

PS : Gosh, where have all the main medium language skills I learned in past 5 years of high school life gone?

Pretentious

It's very obvious, like VERY obvious that I'm not quite in the mood of late. They realised, but pretend to be normal. The frustrations beneath got to be more apparent. They won't ever sense if I don't go overboard. I guess I'm just another step closer to breakdown. It's so sick to think of what's happening around can be so disheartening. I don't care even if I'm forlorn but don't shit on my head for god's sake. Respect my worth and leave me alone is better than constantly knocking my door to inspect my disposition towards them. Sad to say, I can't guarantee it will be better off. I'm chilling and freezing...the world is so cold and frigid. I feel like moving to the sun, sun salutation may cure me perhaps but inside still bleeding. Tissue won't be able to fix it anyhow. I can't help but feeling damn valley sad when I came to the notion that even the ones who are close to my daily can be that pretentious also. Why must they pretend when they can see it? It's way too conspicuous for their naked eyes to SEE. I don't want them to pretend. I really not born in favour of siding hypocrisy. I can seriously tear off the mask of a hypocrite if I want. That's what I hate the most. I think no one will like it either. And now look, I'm so ordinary just like any other people out there. I'm not made of steel, I ain't a transformer.

To certain someone with initial T or F. I hope you cease reading my blog and thinking otherwise you thought I may be thinking. You can't fathom my mind, not even myself able to do that. But now, I would like to dedicate this paragraph specially for you, a message to my old pal before I turn green :

First of all, if you think those stuffs immobilized you. Buy a bigger table or throw away that pile of stuffs altogether for all I care.

Secondly, I don't know what is your problem but I got no problem at my end at all. I've been thinking of how to get those stuffs from you. If you think it's really inconvenient, pass those stuffs to our friend with initial M, I will TT the $ that I SUPPOSED to give you in exchange of those stuffs. No worry. I know it's not the $ that matters but you see the problem is I'm way more pragmatic than you think. So you can jolly well take it and kiss yourself goodbye.

Thirdly, no point telling people how well grown you are now. No more childishness and stupidity? A verbal statement ever valid and suffice to amount to a justifiable personality? You can't be kidding your life out of me. Knowing full well that you won't go any far, oh well, you think by treating me that way is gonna shatter me or what? I've seen worse my girl, been there done there, this is not even the lowest extreme of my life yet. So now tell me do you really a big girl already? I'm afraid that I'm gonna beg to differ unless you can prove to me you can get over this in a sensible and wise manner.

In any case, hereby wishing you a very happy birthday in advance in case I forgot or you might have thought that I deliberately forget...you can be very superstitious.

I really hope we can turn back time and hang out like last time. We are besties and buddies aren't we?

Should really get yourself a piece of mind before you fire off anymore statement to me ok?

PS : Alright, I've got a lot of entangled thoughts and personal problems awaiting to be resolved. This is only part of the division, if you think this is gonna bring me down drop me dead, you're so wrong. Like I said, my endurance level is sky high. But I can't succumb to it when all bad things usher in at once. By "ALL" I mean really a lot, not just a puny matter as stated above. Tristan Ng is not that weak afterall. I can't even remember when was the last time I wept, it should be years ago pertaining to the lost of a close one, my godsister.

Identity Crisis

It just hit me hard that how cruel the world actually is...

There has been a subtle change on people around me. I realized I'm getting more cold shoulders. In fact, I might have done something wrong which I have no idea about but I do not recall any except for my ignorance and nonchalance (and some unintentional faux pas sometimes...).

I know I may not be that kind of people who likes to take the initiative to start off conversation nor attempt hard to keep in touch with people but that does not directly frame my personality as what you think. In fact, I am much more in favour of reality side. That is why being a pragmatic person I am, to engage in a face to face conversation comes before phone conversation and online chatting. But then again, there will gonna be a lot of considerations if I was to choose the first one.

Another realization is, when people finally come to an end that they are not able to reap or derive any benefit they want from you anymore, they change. So sad but true, nothing can be preserved from that onwards.

I don't know if it's just part of the adulthood or my maturity outgrew my childishness but I am thankful although I hate to admit the fact that how cruel the world can be. Somehow, the line is clearer now. My stand is more apparent.

To me, at this point of my life, I dare to say that I have lost faith in humans connection albeit just a little but I can't suppress the disappointment that I'm confronting with currently. In my selfish opinion, all mankinds are equally the same : mundane, malevolent, green eyed.......the list goes on. If god ever gives me a chance to reincarnate as a human in my next life, I am seriously considering of turning down the offer. The world doesn't lack of human but humanity, the quality of being a human. How ironic it is. If you're trying to change the world, why not change yourself instead, that saves a lot of works I'd say. Humans are not sacred and not god sent, it is the things that we do which determine the degree of sanctity.

I kinda like this saying that...

When we pray for being loved, do you think god is just gonna give us the love itself? When we pray for peacefulness from god, do you think there will be such thing as "peacefulness" that gonna fall from the sky right into our hands? It is when you really been through a lot of thicks and thins that you found what god has to give from within. If not, you wouldn't cherish.

Blame no one if your wishes are not being answered.

So stop mesmerizing yourself in the virtual world. It's time to come back to reality and face it.

On an irrelevant note, I'm starting to get emo again over a lot of stuffs. It's like I'm really sick of everything around me. I really need to talk to someone whom I can trust a lot. One of these days maybe I'll knock the door of psychologist when every attempts of overcoming went completely futile.

:(

随想~

一般性的快乐往往可以言传。

真正深刻的快乐，没有可能使得他人意会。

快乐和悲伤都是寂寞。

所以说，快乐是不堪闻问的东西，

如果不相信，请问自己三遍。。。。。

我快乐吗？

PS : 假装快乐的人，永远都最不快乐。

Home-o-phobia

K I'm home, the home in Johor Bahru. The home where I'll be equally facing the walls like the one in Subang Jaya. Anyways, they are just concretes and I can't be expecting anything out of it.

My past few days just spent in Godparents house with my own parents. I did not answer any call nor online though, part of me just wanna spend time with family, part of me was I dunno, apparently friends mean nothing much in my life. How sad huh? In any case, I've already used to my kinda life, glad to say, I'm stemming the tide and growing stronger, hope so. And I just realised, parents were not actually there for me when I needed them, yes, they did come due to some softcore house moving but that only applicable for 2 hours. The rest of the days, they were expecting me to cabbage. See, I'm not really looking forward to this kinda long winded holiday. It won't be any productive in my hands. Well, maybe it might be well spent for few days but BEAR IN MIND, this freaking holiday lasts for 2 months.

I have not been talking to my parents for 2 days, it's like some kinda silent confrontation. At first I thought of staying back in KL for another 2 days cos friends were asking to run a fair and I'll be earning like 100-150 per day, why not? But then just like I said, they went MIA after I replied them, perhaps they just don't need anymore candidates. To my dismay, I came back, and so here I am crawling on my OWN bed with dusts covering all over me. Rottening.

I hate pointless hiatus. It makes me feel useless, dumb and vegetative. Like duh! My life ain't gonna be better off if I choose to stay put.

Well, I think I'm gonna sit back and rehab at home for few days and then hang out with some old friends around here and Singapore. It's been half a year since I last visited Singapore, for SAT 1 test la...-_-

My point is changing my living habit is essential. People has been pinpointing my look of late. They just thought that I look older with WRINKLES! Seriously, my conciousness was all fucked up upon hearing their comments. Top it off, even my mum noticed that. I just told them I had my forehead back-lifted cos apparently that was the masterpiece of THE stylist from Raymond Choon, not my freaking metabolism. My first plan is to cultivate a good sleeping habit, no more hogging my laptop and doing blank talk on MSN(will dependent la...). I know MSN has been bothering me a lot. I will try to cut down my sign in rate, or better yet, cease to sign in altogether. Since there is no more gym in the mean time, I'll have to jog around the neighbourhood but apparently to jog around in my neighbourhood at daybreak is like slamming your head against the wall. Wayyyyyy too dangerous, oh yea, my godparents house nearly got burglarised yesterday. I was awakened by papa's yelling around 4 am and we all rushed to the front gate to see what happened but the burglar had already escaped into darkness. That bugger just managed to hop over the fence to car porch and attempting to do his foul job (HE is a Chinese!) but kena hushed off by our nervous shock, so his plan was backfired. See, the crime rates nowadays are marvellous. As far as I know, Subang Jaya is still a lot safer. Now, I have lotsa worries whenever I go for jogging in JB, there are tonnes of precedents already, snatch thefting, kidnapping...yada yada. Sighs........hell I can't be bothered already, I AM JUST GONNA BLOAT MYSELF UP during the holiday T^T

Tell me if there will be any good thing usher in this holiday which I think there won't be any.

I have lotsa sins to repent I guess.

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Soon (the one in the 1st pic) asked me the other day : " Why you have 3 cookies and I have 2 only?"

Me : "Cos I am Cookie Monster...!"

He uttered : "But this is not your house how can you eat so much...!"

Me : ".........."

Now, that's what I called Kids Say The Darndest Things.

PS : Nah, I didn't strangle him because of that kiddo statement...

PPS : Should I be more aggresive and proactive in terms of I-KNOW-WHAT? But better if I keep with THAT in distance, since THAT-THING wanna be mean and fickle, I shall reveal you my claws and fangs once again. Seriously I'm tired of this virtual connection. Sad thing is you've done nothing to fetch it into reality. If you think the former is great, kick yourself and tell yourself in a cheerful manner with Barney's tone "I suck". I dunno la, since you've already enthroned with my shit-list status, I shan't bother much. Bye.

The Day I Eagerly Tested My New Camera

The People

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The Night Scenes

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The Architectures

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The Playground

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The Flowers

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All shots were taken at ISO 100 + a host of automatic settings only. Nothing much special to capture around KLCC park, it's so miserable to say. The 12x zoom is super powerful but some highlight area may be overexposed. Noises are not really visible under ISO 100. Phew! Edge to edge sharpness is there thanks to the high quality Leica lens. Apparently I thought by putting a "The" in front every nouns will make them sound classy. Thus, I start every category of my photos with a "The". Inspired by "The" Gardens, "The" Weld, "The" Curve, "The" Street, "The" Mall and et cetera. Ain't they classy too? Needless to say those are upmarket shopping malls around Klang Valley.

*click on photo to see the original resolution without cropping

*photos are all unphotoshopped

Weeeeee.......

I received my camera from Penang this morning around 9 something AM! God damn it, it was like the superest fastest delivery ever in less than a day! But oh well can't compare to international courier bcos the latter takes time like the US priority mail that I encountered during my last eBay's deal. But come to think of it, US priority mail is not a courier service I think. It's like normal airmail but definitely ample times expensive than our national postal service and it ships in normal interval nia. Anyways, this seller who dealt with me on lowyat.net is very trustworthy la, not like what I expected in previous entry. Go find him on LYN if you want good camera deals, his id is "vladimir".

And now I'm so redundant on camera edi, I have 3 personal cameras, 1 pointless self taking camera I bought from HK but hardly used and my cameras on phones. BUT ALL OF THEM CAN'T AMOUNT TO A FULL FLEDGED DSLR AFTERALL :( Never mind, I should be contented for what I'm having.

After my extensive research on the laman web, I found few condominiums which famous for renting like Dataran Prima, Bayu Puteri, Kelana D'Putera, Shang Villa, Kelana Mahkota, Kelana Puteri and Crimson Condo, not sure if they are complete or just a partial list around Kelana Jaya. The problem is I'm from Johor Bahru, you know the crime-prone city with only 5 policemen on duty daily, how am I suppose to know the exact location without a map? Gah!

Sick fuck, I'm soooooooooo lazy! And I'm soooooooo gonna miss out the gig by Click 5ive in Hard Rock Cafe tonight or I should say, I've already missed it since no one's going with me, if only Cheryll is here! Furthermore, this is deadly, definitely fated I tell you, I'm really on the verge of absenting from My Chemical Romance Live In Stadium Merdeka Concert! Hai lat edi, super hai lat! Again if only Cheryll is here, not sure if Danny's going or not but even he does I probably won't tag along with him. Cheryl (this Cheryl shall be distinguished from that Cheryll, JB's Cheryll is the one with double "L"s) still not sure of going cos she's in Kuantan and currently suffering from slight papa kedana. As for me, the date kinda close to my trip, be it Macau or Jakarta one and me already hutang keliling pinggang + papa kedana also, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck I dunno! I'll be so shameful to let it go slip since I'm quite a fans of MCR for years *covers face*. I shall remove my poster of them from the wall if I ever missed it which pretty much possible. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh! I don't wanna think about it. I can catch them in Sg. if I missed M'sia stop. I think I shall find more acquaintances who love MCR, CLICK 5IVE and all other bands. Anyone out there share the same sentiment please contact me T^T. I sound like a loser.


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ta-dah! the thing in wonder...with super humongous diameter of lens or maybe just the barrel, tarak tau.

What I've Been Doing So Far

As per the title, nothing much practically.

I went out with rabbit yesterday after coming back from KL, and we went KL again. Rabbit wanna hunt for food recommended by " 1 day 5 meals". So we toured around KL town. It was a pain in ass to drive around KL downtown. Jams are like mushrooms, if not, bumper to bumper. That geographically challenged fella actually had the guts to call me out to KL downtown. So it turned out that I had to lead the way. Oh, we went Chow Kit, Lorong Haji Taib 5 for Pan Mee. Rabbit said it is darn famous can die but to me, ma ma dei only, nothing to go oohahhs about. In my 20 cents, JB serves better Mi Hun Kuih. Kudos to our Soon Lee Mi Hun Kuih :D ! Traffic and weather were horrible in KL. It was so much like an expatriate city with multitudes of 3rd world country foreigners wandering around. Since my godfather used to stay around that area years ago, so I kinda familiar with that place. For once, it brings back a lot of my childhood memories. Yaohan, Amusement Park, PWTC, Puteri Pan Pacific Hotel, Kenny Hills, Bukit Tunku and all. Ah Gu and Ah Kim used to sell Char Kuay Teow around the alley those days and it was so famous that NHK Japan filming troop had to come and take their shoots. No kidding wei!

Anyways, by the time we finished our Pan Mee, the day still pretty young. So we went to One U, wanted to eat Carl Jr. burger but upon reaching before the counter, we found that it was not that impressive and appealing either. Business was horrible and laggy which was a huge contrast to the one in VivoCity Singapore. And so, we just gao dim ourselves in Sushigroove, again, the food was average only. Then, we were so bored to an extent that we actually had to compromise for movie watching in the end. Watched "30 days of night" by Josh Harnett. Movie was superb, based on novel but Josh Harnett died in the end was unexpected. It was a blend of thriller, horror and helluva love story plot. And I must mention those unknown hideous creatures in the movie, they are like bloody vampire with 10000000 times uglier looking. So much so that it caused phobia to me. Omg, those fangs, hollow slit eyes (yes, slit eyes!) and mindless screeching just driving me ugrhhh! I swore a few words through out the movie screening and those who sat around me was giving me that kinda "wtf" look haha, and I laughed like mad when I was supposed to get shocked outta my life. That's sorta my "weakpoint" whenever I hit cinema for horror movie. I just can't stand those pointlessness. I can be very random at times.

Allow me to mention that I bumped into Marion Counter and her bf I think in One U! She's darn pretty but a bit chubby in real person than on screen. Then, I saw this dirty stuff too that not really worth mentioning, Daniel Lee (M'sian Idol 1 winner), ptui! Been seeing him around for zillion times edi, he's so ordinary looking and in fact I kinda think that he looks like a TB. Fugly.

I just bought one old school looking Panasonic Lumix prosumer camera on LYN. Since this fella that supposed to sell me his Fujifilm S6500fd ffk-ed me *bloodboils*, so it left me with no choice but to carry out my plan B. I'm not very impressed with the performance of Lumix but since they trumpeted Leica DC so might as well give it a try since it is cheaper as well given that the camera itself is an older model. I paid that seller through Banking-In and he promised to courier me the next day which is tomorrow by Citylink, which he claims to be fast and efficient. Omg, I won't dare to think of any dodgy consequences that can happen...such as..........I've fallen into the beautiful trap of a century conman! *Touches wood*

Today's BodyJam class was the most crappy ever. Hell, whole class was filled with aunties, I wonder where had those regular guys gone. Ayzie was really lame, she played crappy music and forced me to dance to crappy dance step. It was soooooo embarrassing. I left halfway through cos I couldn't stand it anymore. Mood was ruined. Cis!

If I'm really getting my camera by tomorrow then I shall make a photography trip to the city. KLCC, Masjid India, Merdeka Square and those to be more precise.

PS : I think I need a single room in Dataran Prima condo or Bayu Puteri apartment in Kelana Jaya...but it's so hard to hunt for one online. Sienness.

So I Think You Can Dance

Oh I went to "lala" land Sg Wang yesterday and to my glee, I saw performance by 4 finalists of So You Think You Can Dance season 1, American version mind you! Damn super duper cun!

Anyways, pics of Eye on Malaysia though they are very much conventional but who give a shit...

Too spontaneous already so were not equipped with a full fledged camera -_-

Aftermath

Upon the completion of finals, I can finally destress kao kao!

Lazy to type that much here afterall no one will be reading,

so...

After Cal. II paper which pretty much fucked up, I was not in the mood actually but somehow, that's life and it is predestined, the only problem is to accept and get over it. So my mood fluctuated to the vertical extreme again with that Ah Q's notion.

For once or twice, I thought I might be someone lack of the nourishment of books. Thus, I went Kinokuniya to menaiktarafkan myself with fragrance of books. I can't believe I actually spent that A LOT on books alone in a month. With that i can buy 5-6 Thomas' Calculus textbooks already :D...and I'm actually overly obsessed with Chinese books thesedays rather than many of the English books back then. I'll only read English books if it's a political, sociological or literature one. Otherwise, it's too intellectual-ish to my apprehension. Oh, I've bought another book by Chen Ru Yu (Phoenix Satellite TV news reader cum TV host cum journalist on the block). Love her to bits. Anyways, I've tried Vienna bagels which I can pretty proclaim that it tasted the same as ordinary pretzels than it is not! Holyfuck.

And just yesterday I went for a haircut finally at The Gardens, this hair stylist who handled my hair actually spoke with me in British accent which I wonder why but I was more than happy to listen to Brittish accent! If only he could speak in Scottish accent or Queen's English, fulamak, I'll burn 3 incenses on the spot for apprenticeship liao! The first question he ever asked me was, "do you want something funky?" Then I told him, of cos la BUT funky yet low profile, I'm not that kinda extroverted and flamboyant person in person. So yea. He actually didn't get my point and gave me a very funky but not so low profile pattern. haiz but It was great cos inclusive of one hairspa session altogether with quite reasonable price. I was asked to dye my hair for more colour in depth but that really goes beyond absurdity already cos the price shoots up to almost 300 with my pendek mia hair. Really exorbitant. All in all, it's a pleasant experience la since it's a topnotch and upmarket salon, but i just don't like more than 2 people to attend me during the process of having the haircut. I bet their business on that day wasn't that good so they are kinda free. Oh yea, there were few reporters on spot too and they took my photos while I'm having my hair washed. But they definitely won't gonna publish it in any case cos I'm sooo underdressed.

Then I rushed the hell outta my life back to Subang after my hairdo cos Sue was waiting for me in Subang Parade! It was Leong's birthday which I shamefully forgot! So we went back and had dinner, picked up Leong in Setapak and off to KL. Supposedly, we were gonna hit Sg Wang to buy Jay Chou's new album (pre-released) but backfired cos traffic jam and couldn't make it on time. And it so happened that we passed by Lake Garden. So spontaneous, we climbed to the EYE ON MALAYSIA. We thought it was gonna be romantic, but kena potong stimmed when we actually gonna shared one gondola with strangers. It costs freaking 15 bucks per head...for 5 rotations. Wtf, 3 bucks for one round! the panoramic nightview wasn't come close to take our breath away. One side was KLCC view but the other side was totally in full contrast, dimmed residential area with boring streetlights. Right after that we went to find papa in one of the Hotel nearby lol.

Today is gonna be full of programmes too :)

Parents will be up next week Deepavali! :D

OVER!

Proudly proclaim, my 2nd sem has finally over! Although the worst part has yet to come, which is the fearful part of getting sucky result. It's pretty much expected but I hope it won't go beyond absurdity! Calculus test today was terrible, 3 hours with 10 questions still got not enough of time. It seems like endless...the questions are a lot tougher than what we usually find in the textbook, during those quizzes and tests. I wonder why did they save the "best" for the last. I don't know, I am sssssoooooo over it and totally jaded and numbed. Can't be bothered so long as I can just pass it and the story ends. I don't demand for much after the final paper, my spirit is badly dampened edi. I'm not gonna venture any further in Calculus anymore. Hey, my uni doesn't even require me to take Calculus, let alone Calculus II. I was supposed to take only Statistics and College Algebra for my major. Now it has pulled down my overall GPA, see?! Happy? And I'm on the verge of changing major again. If entry requirement for NMI (Nuclear Medicine Technology) is too high I'll opt for RRT (Respiratory Care) instead. So I can transfer earlier for the latter cos the major year starts at Junior and Senior year! Nuclear will only starts at Senior Year actually, kinda annoying and I'm really in doubt of their accreditation standard lor given that it is such a sophisticated and technical major. No hesitation or doubt, 2.5 GPA in maximum for this sem only, for THE MOST, fine go laugh!!! All shall thanks to the Calculus With Analytical Geometry II. Man, I'm really traumatized by the paper just now, freaking 3 hours butt sticking of torturing on questions that you couldn't answer even if you scratch your scalp out. If someone ever tells me to take anymore Calculus III IV V or or whatever hingga ketakterhinggaan level affixed...I'll just bite my tongue to end my life. As easy as it can be.

Sad to say, lotsa plans ahead on this holiday but not enjoyable ones to say the least. Have to hunt for house again, have to forgo gymming session for time being, have to parasite at home, have to worry about the releasing of result approx. 2 weeks later, have to worry this and worry that. Mood also don't have. Sighs. 2 months are just wayyyyyyyyyy too much for a holiday isn't it? I prefer to be as busy as a beeeeeeeeeeeeeee but I'm still too slothful enough to be busy. My body is contradicting my motivation!


sora by Yoko Kanno, veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery nice

600

I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

Life is all about how far you can tolerate.

Exactly my 600th post today out of more than 3 years of personal diary blogging. 599 posts of whinings and rantings, I wonder how did I live through my life sometimes. But nonetheless, I am blessed, I've lived it through and still living...

Last paper (Cal. II) tomorrow, may lucksss be upon me!

Spontaneous

Michell text-ed me yesterday, telling me that apparently there's some misunderstanding between me and Max. It's like Max is accusing me for being possessive and taking things for granted but I am SERIOUSLY not. The other day I was asking them to accomplany me to MV for haircut cos I thought Mich might be interested in getting one also as it is done by Korean/Japanese stylist. On top of that I was gonna treat them as I promised cos of the RM 30's sticker incident, apparently Max's just got me wrong and thought of other thing. I know what's going on so needless to fathom my mind as everything is within my prediction before I made any conclusion out of it. I shan't disclose that much la but my intention is not what you've been thinking of lo...it's so sad that how you actually think of me :( Of cos, I know you won't gonna drive all the way to MV la...there's always a plan B you know? Being petty is not an issue at all. I just don't know how. I was damn sleepy after my COM 110 final finished at 7pm yesterday. Had dinner with Jas and zonked out at 9pm straight until 6:30 am today.

What more to whine, COM paper as usual, gone case. My speech part really suffered from rigid time constraint. The entire speech is so verbalized and dissolved! I think most of the sentences and vocabs are soooooooooo freaking weak and problematic. I studied quite a lot before that, like half a day?haha. Supposed to study in the library but as you know, group study wasn't just all about studying. In fact, we spent 70% of time talking craps. Bah, can't give shit already since it has already done. Just pray not to get less than B-

In any case, Jas called me just now asking for a K-ing session at Neway nearby and I went, together with Sheryl as well. They were so spontaneous, I was having my lunch and they called then went to Neway had 2nd round of lunch again...and I guess my jogging session this morning in the park has gone waste again. haha! It feels so good to get up early in the morning and go to the park. Let the morning breeze and air slap into your face. I don't know if it's just me but it definitely does more than refreshing. Good way to start off a day! I know it sounds very uncle-ish as the park mostly occupied by veterans but why give damn? Indoor gym is way behind this. I can't stand it everytime they blast the aircon to full volume as if the electricity is provided free, just fucks up my respiratory system badly as in choking my breath with freezing air. Hope they can actually realise it.

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Randomness



Madness



Stoic looking me and happy them

*****

Jas is officially merdeka but me hasn't, Calculus II paper on Thursday is soooooooooooooooooooooooo dead. Kill me.

And I still have no idea whether to register for English Literature next sem or not. Part of me wanna do it because the class will be fun with Ms Kalai and the old gang, part of me not because I sucks in this kinda artsy analytic subject, moreover it's ENGLISH Literature, definitely not my forte as I hardly turn on by English reading materials these days. Anyways, I'll have to find out whether it is transferrable to my uni or not since it is such an rare subject under AUP. We are kinda firing an petition to Ms Terry to start the class next sem cos usually they won't cater to student unless upon request. I'm seriously planning to raise another petition for French class. lol.

Morning glory

Aiks...due to the fucked-up of bioclock. My whole night was rather...down the drain instead of mugging in for books. So, instead of rotting in front the world with only a screen, I went for morning walk/jog in the park nearby! Damn, that place is full of uncles and aunties but feel so good to shower myself in natural pythoncidere. You know it's much more better than going down the gym since that place is not an open air premise. Sighs, I'm getting claustrophobic edi.

I'm thinking of getting a prosumer or DSLR camera but I'm not close to intelligent to operate the latter. Guess I'll have to stick to the former one which deemed semi-pro. Hey, no one's perfect how can a person be REAL pro then? Ironic. I'm considering Fujifilm S6500SD or Nikon D40(DSLR) if I have enough $ I will opt for the latter but actually Fujifilm prosumer is the king of prosumer market. With manual zooming+semiauto focusing by twisting lens barrel, ISO 3200, Super HD CCD, 28mm lens...it's the best of its kind already la. A lot cheaper than D40 summore, about 100% of price difference haha. But both can take pro photos, just that DSLR you need alot customization like swapping lens over lens means you have to invest for a further few grands from time to time to upgrade your equipments and bulky :( but then fully manual means you can shoot whatever ways you want especially focusing part! Haiz dunno. I should start off with pro first I think before I flee to DSLR right?

For the win

*The eyes, fingers and calves cacated -_-

**********

Have been haunted by sleeping disorder of late, today is not an exception. I'm neither nocturnal no diurnal cos I work both ways, so I guess it's called biurnal or uniurnal whichever sounds good to your ears. Nah, it's my mock up term if you are dumbo enough to believe it. On top of not being able to tidur lenyap, maka study aje la...COM 110 on Monday but mood not there. Flipped the dictionarified text book over and over again didn't know what I'm looking for also, just felt that by flipping it my brain can absorb instantly like 100000 words/minutes^-1 which is impossible haha. Cos according to Stephan E. Lucas, the oh-my-dearie-man-baby-crying divine author of the text book The Art of Public Speaking, an average human brain can only process 800 words maximum in a minute. So i'm going beyond the extreme but with my utmost respect, I failed. I bet not even 80 words masuk otak in the midst of flipping the pages. Even if I read, I don't comprehend and menghayati. I just purely reading. *roll eyes*

The anecdote out of it is, while halfway through my revision, I slack a lotI thought of Anna Sui's design. I know she's an horrifying ordinary looking old hens but I must bow down to her design everytime I encounter any. Her brand's counter is always the stand out one among all other cosmetic brands in departmental stores. Apart from being gothic, I love her theme colour, BLACK! Fuiyoh, damn leng yan can! Who will thought of using cascade as the design for perfume bottle? Who will thought of using the Victorian style for their cosmetic mirror? Pet lock design, dolly girl...yada yada. It's full of mysterious yet dark humour elements. Yea so I digress. Upon that click of inspiration within that minute moment on frivolous blank thought, I sketched that stuffs above eventhough it's 100000000000000 light years apart from that of Anna Sui but I just admire dark humour. Another reason is because my sketch book has been left in limbo for months and all the artline ink pens that I splurged uneconomically cos I know full well that I'm not gifted in this field but yet no one can stop me from doing it also. And then I hope to draw figure, pointilism and charcoal but those seriously gone case. Too pro already. All I can do is some puny sketching out of instant inspiration while chewing on something casually without giving it a piece of mind, no theme, no creativity (oh man I sux big time in this!) and I trace (tracing is the biggest sin in creative industry on par with plagiarism)!

So the whole point is, nothingness. Just feel like express something and type out my soul. Better still stick to my textbooks and jadikan orang berbudi bahasa aka nerd.

*Oh, peeples (if there's any), Chris Cornell's "Preaching The End Of The World" is marvellously marvellous, kick ass! Definitely vote in for my song of the year...

Final week ranting 2

Gotten my Calculus make up test result, unexpectedly, I SCREWED UP nicely and it's even worse than my actual test. How ironic! So I couldn't be bothered with it also, just work slightly harder to the final will do, which I pretty much hope so la. Moga-moga tuhan can bless me with lucksssssss.

We were having this petition in COM 11o class just now, Ben was asking our favourite lecturer Ms Kalai to teach English Literature on next semester but the amount of students has to be a minimum of 10 in order to fire off the class. But I didn't sign haha, cos my English sucks and lack of analytical mind to excel English Literature unlike the rest of them. Come to think of it, I can even screw my Calculus with ANALYTICAL Geometry II, so how far is it true you think? And I heard the purpose for make-up test is mainly to give us a chance to do well before the final assessment cos final exam will be a lot tougher, so they kinda open their Buddha's hand and bestow us with the chance in the sense that they foresee something bad might be happened ahead. Good, now I'm so anal, cos I screwed the make-up test, apatah lagi dengan I punye final yg disangka lebihhhhhhhhhhhh tougher than the rest of the tests. I think I'm going to temple this time.

Anyways, I went library after absent from that trashy place for months, you know la, ICSJ's library is just like a tiny enclosed place with one roof overhead and 4 walls surrounding. The size of each floor is equivalent to your house living room, soooooooooooooo tiny and I have to stifle a laugh whenever I go in, cos it's like a difference of heaven and hell between SyUC's THOL Library and ICSJ's library. Should I even call it a library or just a place with some books and study tables? So yea, I went to discussion room with Jasmine and Cheryl joined later, we studied kononnya. Then went BBQ plaza in Pyramid upon their spontaneous urge to do so. I finally went to Pyramid 2 but a lot of shops still yet to be opened includes J.CO Donuts. Diu! It says too good to be missed. *shrugs* So we went back without donuts but cream puffs :(

And I slept from for a good 10 hours from 7 pm to 4 am. Siao eh right? I can't help since my blardy bioclock insisted.

**********

Juling over a piece of raw fish.*pun unintended*

Happy Cheryl and Jasmine

Jasmine insisted on taking this

**********

Parting shoot :

The girls can seriously eat man, are hell little did I know that they are actually freaking foodie, especially Cheryl! She loves nice food like me and can drive alone all the way to Klang for Bak Kut Teh spontaneously. We love Korean food too which hardly got anyone share this sentiment with me except Susan. Duh!

仨人

一个人的晚餐无聊寂寞
两个朋友能开心的直说
三个人可以给你勇气
可以安慰你的失落
异口同声地说

因为有你染上新的幽默(新的幽默)
也因为有你世界变得轻松(变得轻松)
我们呢属于非常难得
所以尽情大声唱歌
分享每一分钟

我们拥有一个真心的朋友(我们是真心的朋友)
就算有风吹不走我们感动(吹不走我们的感动)
真的希望你能够永远快乐
你懂我(你懂我)
不用说(不用说)
最想看见彼此的笑容

如果能够带走乌云的天空(你带走乌云的天空)
爬到云端我陪你继续做梦(爬到云端我陪你做梦)
好想每天陪你看日出日落
你值得交换我一辈子最想要完成的美梦

**********

I'm seriously in love with this song, the lyric and even the title itself just spell out what's between our usual gang of 3 aka "三人行"...but it seems after some awkward incidents, we kinda being disbanded unofficially for good. I don't know. I feel rather strange. We've been knowing each other since form 1 until now. Almost 8 years of friendship is now at stake. I know we are so bonded because of the innate joker characteristics and I dare to say, we can't be bothered with our image and reputation. We do monkey businesses, we put on clown suits, we SERIOUSLY joke around. We went to so many places together, sit for so many exams and tests together but one thing to note is, we hardly dig our hearts out for some sentimental deep talks. I guess that's why, we've been tooooooooooo close to do all that already, apparently we take everything for granted cos we know we care and we are just like a family of 3. Sentimental talk is actually too mushy but we know what each others want exactly. It's psychic, understanding, experiencing and all for the fact that we grown up together, share memories. We talk lighthearted things therefore no burden sitting on top our bonding. It's so natural like god sent. But why it has to turn out like this today? If only I could turn back time......

Hell~

I skipped college altogether today and slept until 6pm in the evening...I woke up completely tipsy and didn't know what time and where was I. Horrible. Missed Bodypump! So I went BodyJam again, damn today was the instructor's last day in Consplant so we played glitter all over the place. Every participant must shower with glitters! Then we danced like high school musical. So cute ^^

After BodyJam, I just carried on with Cardiodance cos the instructor is hot, haha. But very mean cos the dance steps were damn hard...I swear I almost vomit outta my life! So instructor divided us into 2 seperated groups and we do arcade streetdance. Haha. It's full of atmosphere. WHO SAYS EX CLASSES ONLY MEANT FOR AUNTIES EH?

Anyways, I hurt my knee during Cardiodance.....sorta being forced to do some pro skilled knee swaying step and ended up this state. It was nice nonetheless...

Final week ranting 1

Is here again.......for another post full of my frivolous rants and whines!

My connection fried up for 2 days, with all the respects to Streamyx, they did a great job for boiling my connection AGAIN. Can't get better service.

So yea, impromptu speech went well, I managed to crap like water in given time interval but of course content wise don't expect much. It's plain verbal and non organized speech. As usual chickened but had to stem the tide nonetheless. And yes, happy happy.

Today, I went for my Calculus make-up test all ambitious and full of hopes. I was thinking I must score at least more than 65 marks this time out of 100 provided that I had learned the mistakes. Unfortunately, I was all wrong! Couldn't even do the very first question of the entire paper. I know methods of integration is my forte but this time I could only manage to solve 2 out of 5 completely and they are not even a definite answer! 5 x 4 = 20 marks gone, how nice it is eh? Furthermore, final is exactly next week! How am I supposed to excel with this kinda rotten performance? It seems that "B" is getting fatter, in terms of hope, which spells FAT HOPE! Hai lat edi la this time.

This week my biological clock went completely cuckoo, I crawl to bed at 11 pm and wake up at 3-4 am to continue my tutorials and revisions until daybreak. Then went drowsy under the daylight again. Practically floating in class and came back to my nest, pengsan terus for 5 hours until evening. It's all in a mess. Please tell me how to menentang arus...I'm screwing things badly again ;(

Then, out of all the aforementioned frustrations stifling within. I hit the gym for 4 hours straight today to destress. At first I thought of going for BodyBalance as usual but overslept. So I did some random cardios then sign in for Steps. Upon my divine commitment in that class, only to realise it was "ADVANCE STEPS" meant for intermediate level. I got so buang muka in front of the class cos the instructor had already warned me about it but I keras kepala trying to save muka, glued at the class for 5 minutes then I went out shamefully. Oh well, like I care. Then I decided to join the next class, the long lost BodyJam. So again I went to do cardio and loitered around the lounge. Luckily time passed in sekelip mata, otherwise my final week of gym-ing session might have gone waste. I don't even dare to think about the time when I go back JB for holiday, 2 months without gym. I am so gonna bloat up like a oversized blow-up doll by the time my new semester commence. BodyJam was fun...instructor is hot and movements were quite on track, on beat and handy. There goes, 4 hours burned in a wink of time.

Oh, I have been seriously cooking myself this few days. Since I'm on the verge of watching my diet (sempena final week), so I think might as well prepare my own dinner although I got only microwave :( . I went to hypermart to hunt for all the bahan mentah mainly nutritious ones like assorted veges, beancurd, chicken breast and some other which I forgot, cos I was in full mood, thus I splurged a lot. Cooked microwaved steamboat and was backfired -_- , don't ask me why, just don't expect a little dumb square box can do wonders. I must bring hotplate on next semester already. *pukes*

Gross-est meal in 3 months. But let me pin point this, my culinary skill is good all the while it's just that I didn't have the proper equipments. If you don't believe, contact me for appointment, I will prepare you a 3 course meal in whatever style you want. Charges will be discussed later.

Bah, sleepy bugs are knocking my door. As usual a routine visit around 11 pm. Adios!

Unproductive weekend

Went parasited at someone's place for past weekend, very unproductive, thought of doing homeowork but ended up hogging the bed more than 12 hours a day. Turned nocturnal on top of being an unwelcomed guest. How sad yerr...

See, it's been so long since I last posted the divine photo of me. So, in order to spice up my boring blog with a bit visual effect (not), I feel that I'm compelled to post some visual aids here. That my English is not powerful, entries are long winded and cheong hei without content and all about my ramblings/rantings, frivolous ones.

I'm everything it takes to become a nerdy! Not trying to show off the MacBook, not that it is mine afterall although I damn feel like nicking it back home.

Ta-dah! Light bulb and me, together we are bookworm. In short, reading is fun!

*****

Happy belated birthday to Jessica Octaviani Kwee, don't be so depressed k? Looking forward to see you soon this holiday! Can't wait at all! It will be so weird to see you in Sg. Just like seeing Britney Spears turn up in my house toilet. Haha. I mean in a good way...ahem.

and...

Before I went dead for impromptu speech and make up test later, sempena I still in the mood let me greet you peeps a goodnight sleep. Sleep tight and sweet dreams. I'm on severe caffein shot now, hell, only 1 packet of 3 in 1, getting so caffein intolerance these days. Class at 8am on Monday, as if not worse enough, rainy day. Therefore, it should well explained why I am down.

I'm gonna die so bad (u must have been wondering since when I'm not dead on this blog?), final's approaching, assignments/tests choking, friendship deteriorating, biological clock went cuckoo, heart freezing, $ draining, mood swinging, boring holidays ahead. Everything just went out of hands la.

Now, tell me honestly, does my blog looks better with the addition of 2 more photos above? *eyes wide open*

A Night Out

Danny, me and Dash

*****

Finally I got to club after the last one I've ever had since last year in Ruums or The Loft which I kinda forgotten for good. 10 freaking months to be exact. The intensity is no longer around as I realised that I'm approaching the level of grey and old. Those musics were not that familiar to me anymore cos I hardly follow on RnBs these days. But still I could manage to dance for 2 hours straight with alcohol shot in minima. I started to dislike the taste of JD nowadays. I don't like the sweetness, too artificial and tasted like some kinda chemical substance. I didn't drink much like I usually do, I took mixed JD, Beers -_-, 1 shot of tequila and 1 shot of flavoured vodka. No feeling AT ALL and not even close to getting tipsy. Kinda hate ladies night, tonnes of bimbos with their himbos. Literally. It's nothing better than Thai Club. I rather spend my time doing fine dining if I were to choose between clubbing and that. Like I said, I'm old enough. I can't manage to assimilate myself with the youth scene and night life today which I dare to say I prefer to read books whilst sipping a cuppa atas quality tea or coffee on a breezy balcony overlooking the panoramic view of neighbourhood cum city skyscrapers. That I long for peacefulness. A moment where I can ponder, introspect and chew over some after dinner topics related to the vicissitudes of life. Oh I'm so obsessed with Malaysiana books. So in love with local author. Their writing can be so light hearted and blithesome! Not forgetting, usage of language is simple and compact specifically caters to the locals unlike international writings always having chunk of big words and jargons. Well, I think I'm kinda good at digressing a lot. Anyways, I went to Maison. No doubt, it was nice to club with Danny, Hazree, Dashni, Vinodh and all the machas! Oh well, some other old kakis are missing though, Steph is rottening away in Nilai, Dom and Kei are not very keen nowadays, Eunique went M.I.A, Samsul got no more time for friends on top of his girlfriend, Susan went back Korea, Cheryll left to US, Terence leaving to Oz...and the rests are all scattered around Klang Valley with their own valid reasons to ffk last minute. Hmm, not like they care also.

By the way, I had a very spontaneous session of impromptu speech today. It was unexpected and impressively, I fucked it up so bad! Topics were to be chosen randomly by draw-lot. It all depends on luck anyways. So my luck wasn't available that time, thus gotten an effing misleading topic which by myself, I didn't understand what is it about. TABLOIDS.....*paused for 5 seconds, took a deep breath* Felt like rupturing the slip of paper into a puddle of soggy pulps and call it an end. You tell me, with only 5 stingy minutes to prepare for the entire long winded 5 minutes speech, it's like asking me to force a few grands of cash out of pocket in 5 minutes. Impossible. Sad to say, whole class was kinda screwed up! Impromptu speech is like a time bomb or mines ambushing somewhere not known to you. Like you will never know what kinda fucking fuck up topic you will get at the end of the day of your presentation to pwnnn you out nicely in the school of manner. That's not the worst yet, special occasion/commemorative speech due next Tuesday, Calculus make up test might fall on the same day as well. I'm seriously thinking of pouring a 50% concentration of Acid on me, just feel like melting away and evaporate from the realm of rat racing.

Have been lost track on Calculus as well. The final topic is earth-shattering-ly complicated. Can you imagine an algebraic equation can actually be sketched into a love-shaped polar graph? More artsy-fartsy graphs along the way, I've seen all sorts of flowerish shapes graphs around. Nope, they don't seem to enlighten me in the sense that a predisposition of traumatic psychological state is being highly expected out of it. Meanwhile, no matter how hard I scratch my head, I just can't get the picture of those assorted 3D graphs albeit we've learnt parabola and hyperbola since ages ago. Things just fried up to burn. Now I know, shits really happen!

sien-ness.

ps : Oh ya, does anyone knows how to get rid of thunder hips? i'm so disheartened cos no matter how hard I work on my lower bowel, it just won't shed off a single molecule of all the fatty substances! Upper body is exceptionally fine enough to see the difference but hips, thighs, calves! Feel like going to liposuction already! I look so freaking dumpy pail-liked in jeans or whatever fitted attires with the non-existence of vertically expansion. Maybe I should seriously think of doing cosmetic surgery, first of all liposuction then bone lengthening and next gastric bypass and lastly double up my cacat-ed eyelids and finally rhinoplasty and ultimate finally hair transplant. Basically an extreme make over or better off, just swap my head with Lee Hom's! Now, don't you wanna roll your eyes so bad?

Final month!

Had been eating Japanese food for 3 days in a short! Thanks to Astro's "1 day 5 meals"...but I think it's better cos I found my new love apart from steamboat nonetheless.

Good news~ Ms Shanta is sooooooooooooooooo kind enough to bestow us a 2nd chance to turn new leaf! We will be having make up test for test 2 next week! Ample of time to prepare...and this time I wanna get either A- or B/+, puhleaseeeeeeeee. What a relief. That's what I like about ADP. Can't get any more flexible than that.

And this time around, finally, I received my FIRST clubbing date of the year! Apparently my A lvls mates are gonna have some reunion party, of cos only applicable for those who can club. So we shall see. However, I'm not very keen on going that kinda places nowadays, just don't like thunderous beat volume and people cramming around in all sweaty. We shall see how then.

******

Did some ponder a while ago, I realised that I'm living like puppet these days. Or better say, parasite. Like when you ask favours from someone cos you really need them in exchange of their sarcasm. You befriended them because you want to but they will turn on and go about "well, if you don't do this and that and so and so...I shall perish you", it turns out that they might be having notion that I actually need them more than I want them. Plain silly of me. I'm reverting back to a 2nd childhood where I'm so scared of loneliness, I so in need of a playmate. Therefore, along the way, I picked up hopes that people put on me...eventually, I don't even have space to accomodate my own hopes. I grab hold on all the hopes and expectations people give me, I give up my own hopes. In the end I'm nothing, blank soul with a shell that living up to other people's expectations instead of mine. I have my resolution, my goal, my aim and my dream that I need to pursue too. Why not you people just give me a break? All the while I've been swollowing words that meant to be spoken out, my piece of mind but I hold back. I remain silence does not imply that you can cross my line and challenge my authority. I do so because I don't wish to stir up troubles and fights among us. I'm always the peacemaker, the coward, the clown and all. Those are all with my own reasons behind. I do things with reasons. In fact, what I need the most is only one word UNDERSTANDING. Easy ain't it?

笑

很想笑。

很久没打从心底笑了。

忘了该怎么笑。

只懂嘴角上扬，眼眯一线，就是笑。

忘了该为什么而笑。

笑了到底也空虚。

还是别笑了， 免得越笑越寂寞。

Lessons

I've learned to let go something I shouldn't have and won't be able to have a grip on.

It's something that shouldn't be existed at the first place.

I sat beside my lonely fire and pray for my wisdom yet,

for the calmness to remember or the courage to forget?

That it is hard to choose but I need ample of courages to forget them than to remember.

Strange ain't it?

I just feel pointless and not worthy to myself, my ego, my self esteem, my disorderedness, my thoughts, my love ones around me.

Thus, came the decision.

Nonetheless, I shall keep them as phantom or better say, dream that I've made in every regular night, well, although I hardly dream these days.

A dream that I've stood in the middle of a stream of people flowing towards you while I'm standing still watching them moving idly into your direction. There it is, I just watch even if I don't feel like doing it but as I said, it is just a dream that people made. Dream is unrealistic, surreal and away from the track albeit it can be nice sometimes. I won't wanna say much as I despise dream makers, dream weavers...a lot of time they just said but careless to materialize them. They are wusses who only harbour dreams. It can't be me. I am pragmatic and ridiculously down to earth.

I've heard comments on me, people sound me as a cocky and arrogant wacko who owns nothing but higher chin. You see, I can't care less about it. I know what I'm doing. I'm so disinterested sometimes to even look at people around me. I hate the ugly side of humans. They (we) can fight over puny stuffs and see bloods. At the end of the day, regret. So what's the point? Rotation? Metamorphosis? Karma? Don't be blindfolded, they are just sugar coated lies people put into your mouths. Excuses. What I'll like to say is, we MUST pay for what we've done.

Why can't we face it when we the reality is raw, naked and truth before us.

We humiliate our souls, hopes, anticipations, consciences, inners...

We choose to believe phony matters, slap a thick-ful of bogus and tricks to live up to something could have be seen insignificant to us or otherwise. We went all happily and joyous at the dinner table of blank laughters at this side, turn around to the contrary, look at the loneliness within, darkness behind, self infliction there of? What about those? We can't even afford to be mono in a minute moment. We whine, we emo, we cry, we holler, we mutilate like a toddle, like a mindless soul bimbo-himbo with nothing better to do but think that life is always at the vertical extreme. In any case, other things around just don't matter anymore...

And at the end of the day, what do we get?

Emo Elmo and Nemo

很久没哭了。

想哭也哭不出来。

也不懂为什么要哭。

只觉得想哭。

太多原因可以哭了。

反而没办法哭。

毕竟再多的眼泪都不够我哭。

哭了也没用。

还是习惯了就好。

Done!

I was practically lack of sleep since the beginning of the week! Tutorial demi tutorial, assignment demi assignment and worst of all, persuasive speech's presentation! Yesterday I totally on caffeine shot and barely able to close my eyes shut. At the same time nothing was done on my speech rehearsal also since I was busying watching clips from YouTube, the one which allows you to broadcast yourself, remember?

So this morning things were really spontaneous! It seems that I had just gone through my impromptu speech. Luckily I did not screw my speech presentation apart from the fact that I got super time contraint! When Ms Kalai raised her hand to signal for the last minute, I was still talking on the first point which made me rocketed the my second point and conclusion. Fortunately, I did quite well for that. It's an individual presentation and heck we were like bunch of aliens in father's suits walking in college! And I hate the fact that I still need my formal suit for impromptu speech on next week! Shite! I'm so gonna chickened so bad. My balloon and Michael Jackson parts were the highlight of the entire presentation. I got full marks for attention getter! Unbelievable.

So after the rather tensed up presentation we just went to McD and chit chat...rambled for 2 hours with Jasmine, Nagen, Ben, MJ, Ariun and Darren. Hell, COM 110's students are really chatty can? Btw, Molly is gonna do her speech next week on "sexual education"...can't wait to see!

Aiks...kena ffk by rabbit :(

Selamat Hari Raya to all the muslims! Don't forget my kuih-muih k?

Alrite, gotta nap or sleep for the night, I'm not sure, not that time sensitive anymore, biological clock fucks up on me.

Trees

树。

看起来一直都不理你。

实际上一直不停的给你力量。

然而，你感受到了多少，又感激了多少?

TMD

Walao eh...it's all epiphany!

My instinct was right, in fact very accurate. I got a disheartening "C" for Calculus test II. I am so so so sad and emo. I knoe I haven't been working my ass off on test 2 but the questions are mostly direct and fairly do-able except for the last one. If I didn't screw the last question, I could have got an "B" or "B+". Damn sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many careless mistakes, Miss Shanta approach me with her rather curious tone asking, "what's wrong with you Kok Whei!". Fuck wei, moment of blank and shattering 2000 X :(

Now I need 23 out of 40 marks for my final in order to remain in B's band. Sien. Cannot slack anymore this time.

Oh yea, on a brighter note, I'll be bringing balloon for my COM 110 presentation visual aid, thought of bringng jelly as well but can't seem to find any to my need. I need jelly who resembles fats so that I can mock up a liposuction process. And it has to be big piece enough to be persuasive.

Anyways, my day is spoiled by my result. Now I feel so sleepy, I wish I can kiss myself a lullaby goodbye and sleep forever.

PS : I wonder why Miss Shanta is so efficient when it comes marking our tests. Apparently I think she has no life. We got back the test result right on the following day after the test. How instant is that?!

All screwed up

As per the title saying...

Again, the boringest typical me wanna bitch, whine, scream, shout, cry about how I fried the whole Calculus II test 2 paper. Fuckall, it's even harder than last semester's test 2, I wonder why the fuck I dropped it to suffer deeper. The paper may innocently came in 1 side of the page printed and promising number of questions, glad to say, merely 4. As sunny as it may seems, I was happy happy upon plowing through with instant glance. Once the pen was down, the evil finally showed his fangs! In a dissolving manner, 1st question was successfully solved, 2nd couldn't find the answer but the steps are definitely correct, 3rd was half past six, 4th totally couldn't do at all cos it required memorising of some formulae and the process of getting that formula which I cleanly forgot all about it before the test. Cos I thought afterall, practice always makes perfect, isn't it? Who knows came this rare question which totally against the objective of doing mathematics. Who the hell will wanna give a fuck to how we get the reduction formula for cotangent? It's so tedious, I know it's integration by parts but why can't nenek Shanta just give us a normal question like what we usually do instead of making our lives hard? If you are in my shoes, I'm pretty sure you will stand on my side cos that question really doesn't give benefit to our learning process. It's just plain memorising the steps to achieve that formula where you can jolly well get straight to apply the formula derived for other kind of questions. Fuck. Bet those nerdo wacko must be giggling to themselves now as 4 free marks slapped into their hands without hassle. This time I can much assure that I won't get a surprise "A" anymore unlike previous test. Well at least a low B will do. Please don't go below that! Or else I'm gonna eat your neighbour's babies and dogs. T^T

And I don't think I can ever slow down my steps after test 2 for MAT 133 cos final falls on 1st of Nov. COM 110 final falls on 29th Oct. Die or not you see? Worship me please, I SAID WORSHIP ME! Final in less than 3 weeks time, I'm having 4 assignments for COM 110 pending and procrastinating. Luckily the bonus is I got 2 months holiday which previosly thought of 1 and a half months only BUT NO, I can't get away with it until I got my result with satisfactory grades. Actually to me nothing fails means satisfactory. Shallow eh? My yardstick is always short cos I know where my limits and abilities go. LIMIT? Hmm...ain't it sounds familiar? Gah!

Just now along my way walking back, I saw a bunch of peoples besieging a Malay guy who dressed sloppily. No doubt, nothing to my glee, I knew it was either snatch thief or burglar. Everyone was watching and some angry Indians around even punched him hard right on his head. Serves him right I guess. But deep down I do hope that the victim was me, so that I can have another excuse to leave SJ, the diabolic living hell. lol. Another sigh to our national security, toast to our civilisation and social awareness! How can I not leave this place a.s.a.p? I don't even wish to start off with Johor Bahru for instance, it's notorious. You should know why.

Fuck...gonna super off to do COM 110 assignments. Haven't even started already found flaws and weaknesses in my topic. I didn't know cosmetic surgery and plastic surgery are 2 different fields. Thanks Ian. Amazing eh? Worship me, I SAID WORSHIP ME AGAIN!

Amitabha. God bless upon all.

The Affairs and The Sadist

To every family, there will always be an indecipherable mantra (家家有本难念的经), a loosely translation from this piece of proverb. Get me?

I was happily tagging along my uncle's car back JB last weekend since I have not been back for months, so as expected, full of anticipations because sis will be around as well. So happy happy reached JB in about 3 hours with full lightning speed all thanks to uncle, we were all safe and sound anyways. Then, I headed straight to Grandpa's house, my grandpa is on his proccess of speedy recovering, we cannot be happier to know that. Grandpa has been more talkative (in a good way) lately, so we were kind of mingling at the living room before dinner started and I was in the room doing my mofo Calculus tutorial. Suddenly, my uncle shouted and there it goes, I knew another family war has just being flamed. Apparently, grandpa was hoping that all the family members can get along harmoniously and no conflicts between each of us. Well, a piece of good advice indeed, nothing wrong. My uncle, however, which I do not wish to go on about his "unique" personality, went all frantic and agitated. He started to shout and swear about some nice familiar words start from B, F and you-know-what due to some misunderstanding and big conflict between he and my another uncle that came into the ears of my grandpa. He felt that my grandpa should not know about this unless someone told him, he was dignified. Threatened to go confront with my another-uncle with his bull like anger. Of course, what we could do was just trying to stop him. As easy as it might seems, he called my mum later on trying to give her a piece of mind with unpleasant words, yelling on the phone he went like..." this is between me and my-another-uncle, can you just mind your own business? I know you always siding him...blahs" Mum was worked up, she couldn't put in any of his words into ears anymore and hung up. I swear my eyeballs just mechanically rolled inward into my sockets upon hearing that. Who is he to say all these? Firstly, he does not have credibility, his words are very feather weighted which usually do not amount to anything that can make us put in heart. We respect him as our uncle. That is all. After this incident, I would have to reconsider our positions and his.

Again, just now, mum called me, telling me that uncle was calling for another havoc again in grandpa's house. He ambushed at the junction nearby grandpa's house waiting for my another-uncle to come visit grandpa as my another-uncle does that routinely every weekend. When my another-uncle arrived with my aunt, he went amok, came down from the car, tried to strangle my another-uncle. Neighbours were all out watching at the free good show and of course they did try to retreat my anger-driven uncle. My cousin sister (another-uncle's daughter) called the police upon my family's premonition earlier on and police came to settle in the end ON TIME. My cousin brother (the anger-driven uncle's son) apparently was begging my cousin sister for not to report to police. In my case, I will be more than happy to report because who knows what on earth will this mad dog on loose do to the rest of the family?

Before the police came, my mum urged my another-uncle and aunt to take cover in grandpa house, then she locked the door in order to block my anger-driven uncle. Well, that was an obvious act of protecting someone from getting hurt, no wrong for doing so I guess, afterall we all just do not wish to see blood. He (the out of sight and out of mind one) shouted at my mum behind the door with some really uncomfortable to hearing words. Insinuating my mum and my family. Pointed his filthy finger right in my mum's and dad's face. Out of desperation, he tossed a random brick towards my another-uncle's car windscreen along with unceasing kickings to the car body. Thus, police report was made. Thanks to his deed, bring us "fame" around the humble neighbourhood. Smacked shits into his own face, he is a big disgrace. If he cannot ever get along with my family which prefers to be in neutral position all the while, for fuck's sake, go to mental asylum for he can find all his other peers around, which I very much supposed he can get along with them very well, VERY WELL.

Not only that, he has been telling shits about my choice of taking up ADP after A-levels in ICSJ. Incurring heavy wrath in me one after another. Do not even make me go on about his past, gamble addict, domestic violence, adultery, jobless...yada yada. He is the worst person, father, husband, uncle that I have ever met. I am seriously from the bottom of my heart, despise what he did to my family and upsetting grandpa. With all my family and my respects, I wish to draw a clear and blatant line between us. The most I can give face to my cousin brother/sister and my anger-driven uncle's wife which is my aunt, to be forcefully address him the everytime I see him, NO FURTHER. I am educated and intellectual with well parental guidance, my parents teach me to respect YOU even for what you have done to us. Salute to my mum and dad for they are so bighearted. We are so fortunate to say that we are not "kurang ajar" (lack of parental guidance) as what you always hang around your mouth to condemn people's children to trigger their mind then indirectly link to their parents fault. Now, look who's talking here? He is in no position to even start off the phrase because he strongly in need of a piece of honest mirror to penetrate his stubbornness and rowdiness that I hope it can really give him a CLEAR and HEAVY piece of mind, if not more.

I feel so not worth for my family, we entertained him all the while when everyone's walking out from his life. We heard all his frivolous rants, advices and all the know how's. We excluded his hindrances and hot-temperedness, still we had tried to accept him and give him a chance. Just so that it came to a point that he seriously had us thwarted badly. He has to pay for all these. We have done what we are supposed to do...no point of opening our heart and let him in anymore I guess. He inflicted us, humiliated our hopes and goodwills. Lastly, hope he burns!

PS : I was not around for the police report incident because I was on my way back KL. Mum called me and told me all of these. And so what, I was there on the first day he turned mad. And did I mention he is mad regardless of what day. What a family tragic.

PPS : I am sooooooooo dead, Calculus test on Tuesday and public speaking formal presentation on Friday. Not even started a single thing on them. Imagine both carrying 20% weightage to my final assessment. Soooooooo gonna die, send me your early condolences in advance, I won't hesitate to accept them! Cos tooooooooooooooooooo dead already. ;(

PPPS : Just hoping that my mum and dad don't give much damn about it. It's so not worth even though they are being underappreciated. He is puny in our lives. That's it. And also, bon voyage to sis, take care along your way back to SH k?

......

I just don't see the point for me to come home...and face the walls since I've been doing that in SJ for almost the past 6 months. Alright, I'm contradicting myself in a way that I conceal the incompresensive part of the ego. Like so not worth anymore.

I'm officially not belong to anything anymore at this point of my life.

It sucks....

bah!

I hate to start off my entry with profanities but do excuse me, FUCK!

Alright, I have not been in pink health for few consecutive days. Coughings, sneezings, jellyings and you name it la. It gets me so demoralized! I cannot even concentrate on my overdue tutorials and there comes new assignments and more tutorials. Life ain't that great without a complete rat race, isn't it? And I extremely hate it when my nose is filled with starchy yellowish fluid which I guess I won't have to explain any further what is it. I know it is heatiness and what can I do? I have tried a lot of remedies such as herbal tea, honey, apple cider/vinegar, bittergourd but it seems all to no avail and just so you know, it is becoming even starchy and gross than before. Eww.

Oh well, COM 110 is getting hell rubbish these days than it is not. I got super low marks for my Informative Speech written assignment only because I left out a trivial "central idea" section on the cover page. Fortunately, it costs me only 10% weightage, not much worries eh.

Hmmm....just consulted the "Uncle" who in charge of the well being of tenants, he is not the landlord anyways, and I am so shattered cos he said I won't be able to retrieve my 2 months deposit if I was to move out before December. No mitigation, no grace period, everything straight referring to the rigid contract. That's why I say, contract is made out of human as well and moreover it is just a piece of paper with some inks written. What's the big deal then? Not even for a freaking month. That being said, I am still not gonna stay for the December to come cos I'll be off for semester break that entire month. So it will be kind of wasted eventhough I do not terminate the contract. I am thinking of breaching the agreement since they gonna make it so stiff. They can jolly well deduct from my 2 months deposit for the December rental and then all I'll lose is only 1 month deposit (tentatively la)...ngeheheheh. The benefit of having a Plan B *snaps*. Either way, I've already forseen everything that will come along. Come what may, I shall rule them out one by one.

On an irrelevant note, I have learned to let go a lot of long kept thoughts and sentiments. Miraculously, I feel a lot lighter now, I don't know if it's just me. Suppressing them beneath isn't gonna work anyway before they get out of hands. Life does not always go with the flow, you will never know where the river branches to and where the obstacles ambushing and I believe I can live better by giving less damns. Not to say sealing it but just try not to think that much, you know our minds are very complicated, it is not just what psychology can explain but far beyond that. The more you think, the further you will go until a point of no return and you doom.

To certain someone, I do not know what you want from me but I cannot give it anymore. I will try to meet you up one day and give you what you are supposed to get and then take what I am supposed to get from you. You know what I mean. That's it for it. Don't give me anymore inside jokes or some kinda hinting that my pea brain cannot comprehend. If you have anything stifling in you about me, shoot right in my face for good. I don't like tossing turning game. Good day to you.

And yea, I will be bringing rifle gun to the nearest TMnet customer service centre in real soon. Behold.

Got!

Fuck!

I was just telling that I felt a bit sick yesterday and it mutated into not-so-a-bit sick today! Been sleeping endlessly still feeling damn jelly. Couldn't even pay attention during Calculus class today. Luckily the quiz was kinda easy.

Where should I stay after my tenancy agreement expired? I don't wanna continue the agreement anymore! I'm sick of constant black outs, water rationing, connection interruptions...and the like.

Currently thinking of staying around Bangsar, Damansara Kim, TTDI, Section 16 or 17, Pantai Hillpark...any room available ah? I don't mind sharing as long as the other person doesn't bite :)

Junctures

Fell a bit sick after came back from Cameron Highlands! I fucking hate sore throat, it makes my breath stinks and can't consume solid food!

Just completed my 10% COM 110 mid term test, guess what? Completely fucked up! Inti UC lecturers definitely got pea sized brain because all the setting of questions require memorizing which I detest it a lot. Alright, I can compromise and give in to squeeze a wee bit ( around 100 definitions O.o) of definitions into brain but why the other questions are not reasoning questions instead of otherwise? I know those definitions are simple and short unlike Anthropology but still I did it wholeheartedly, not. The questions are so dry and boring just like written driving test. Fortunate part is that it weighs only 10% or else sure a gone case. Then to think 1.5 hours were enough for that?! Come on the main problem for me just now was time contraint, at least 1 hour and 45 minutes or make it 2 hours la......why so ironic one! Then final always hell long up to 3 hours. What's this?! Sien, hope can score at least 5/10 -_- . Oh did I mention that if it was ever an open-book test, I am VERY sure I can score 10/10 with flying colour. Bummer *roll eyes*

*****

And I'm so gonna talk about my Cameron Highlands trip! Although, we were there for less than 2 days but definitely well spent! Expectedly some flaws as well which to do with the travel bus when we were going there, we bought 7 tickets but only got 6 vacancies available and that was not even our fault cos we bought hell earlier prior to that. Some bitches definitely gotta pay off for that but they didn't! So finally, our group compromised and I voluntarily went and sat at the assistant driver's seat which was only a piece of foldable wooden seater extended next to the door on top of the stairs! Totally not meant for human postures I tell you, it was fucking bumpy and I swear I could just fell off everytime the bus swerve, even for a minute swerving! Cos no handles at all and no cushion for leg rest, basically a shabby piece of wood with cushion wrapping. Siao. So after 30 minutes, I just went to squeeze myself out in the main seaters for 2. Then 3 of us squeezed and just imagine the old curvy mountain road to Cameron Highlands, how much impact caused to my buttock and BodyBalance was put into use finally. Along the bus journey, we practically ruled the whole bus with our voices, me, Charles, Ru Wen and Sherly were playing chor dai di and the whole trip to me was like a gambling trip. Luckily I won a bit la. Upon reaching Tanah Rata, Mei Ching and her bf came fetch us to Brinchang for lunch. We had STEAMBOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My 10th or so steamboat session before September ends but I'll still continue my liking on steamboat no matter how. Oh the interesting part was that Mei Ching bf was driving a Mitsubishi pick up and all of us rushed to sit at the open air carriage then drift along on the bendy road of Cameron Highlands with Mei Ching's bf superb driving skill. 7 of us squeezed in carriage screamed, shouted, gestured around, waved to curious passerby...like no one's business and we did the same thing through out the entire trip. After steamboating, we went to tea farm where Mei Ching's bf affiliated with to do some light visiting, then Rose Garden to climb the hill like donkey, Market to buy fresh organic vegs, fruits and snacks! At night we bbq-ed at some bbq pit away from our guesthouse! I think I shouted a lot through out the trip, thus sore throat T^T .Went back to our guesthouse at past 12 am, gambled again! Once sicked of gambling, we play other poker games with punishment of truth or dare...gosh! This part was obscene, I shall skip it.

Next day woke up at 8 am, slept for 2 hours only. Then we went to buy goodies and had bak kut teh! Blissfulness. Declined from the highlands at 1.45 pm and reached KL at almost 6 pm! Slept all the way so not much of nauseaness. A damn rushing, tiring but compact trip. Reached Subang around 8 pm and prepared for my COM 110 for today which already screwed nicely (aforementioned).

I forgot to bring my camera along so photos are all with them. Damn a lot! Will post up some later once I got them.

*****
Called Streamyx techical team for numerous time already, the problem still there, then just now I plugged in the housephone, to my surprise, no dial tone nor beeping tone at all! It's my phone line's fault which I pandai-pandaily blamed the wrong party. Hey but still like hell I care! They are affiliated afterall...each time I called, they were giving me different explanations which made me feel like bitchslapping them. So up until now, the problem still yet to be solved. TM technician is coming tomorrow to check out. God, I salute them for victimizing my connection almost 1 week! Can I get any better from TM Streamyx?

PS : I'm woozily switching between P1 and stealing private networks now. Have to switch off anti-virus in order to gain access summore! Fuck wei...sure will kena virus soon.

*****

Am still thinking of moving to Desa Kiara or not. But if I do, lotsa stuffs to be settled, first will gonna deal with my tenancy agreement for existing room (hope they mitigate me and return my deposit if I was to move out one month earlier than the agreement due date), second will be upgrading my FF membership to passport, thirdly transportation, fourthly move all my stuffs again which I very reluctant to do so.......lazy!

PS : Sherly said she wanna bring her newly born shih tzu to KL as our housedog so we can all take care of it! And summore asking us to share and buy one cheap 2nd hand car -_-.

Don't know la, I think there is a big possibility that I can't move to DK. Sighs.

**********

err...