Earnestly

I get a little ill sometimes seeing how people parade themselves as hypocritical object. Having completely clueless about the price they are paying. That kind of lowliness erodes into the amour popre of self denial by doubting themselves to fit into a major cesspool of social conformity. The shallowness that incidentally came equivalent as a substitution of trend. Not that I'm a conservative fundamentalist myself cos I don't believe in sole God, extensive moral obligations or whatsoever but in some critical situations I might as well retreat rather than conform. I dislike the fact that we have to feign around with our acts in order to gain acceptance, I mean what is so vital about that? There are many more honest souls at this side of life. It's never a sad thing when it comes to facing disdain.

I once waited at a platform for a train home during office touchdown hour and when the long awaited train finally arrived at a step away, people converged to that tiny little shutter fretting that they would miss a fortune of life had they not being carried on board. And I was understandably couldn't be able to fit into the cabin as I'd prefer to back off and observe each and every expressions of powerless people be them the bootlickers of some conglomerates who can't afford to face fuel hike, excos who are lazy to drive, bourgeoisies who go public occasionally, new working class who much prefer to go public, blue collar workers who can't afford private transports, students who are not supposed to get highly mobilized, the jobless', hoodies, goth punk wannabe, environment conscious activists and so on. They sparked a well defined notion in my mind, CONFORMITY within the subcultures. I like the fact that I just stood still after for a while and allow the shutter to close before my eyes in some minute inches of distance. I'm not even remotely sad about the rejection itself but I'm glad that I retreat for better. When the next train finally pulled in after 2 minutes, it was all empty and I got half of the cabin all to myself. Ain't that great?

People come and go in different levels of life. Just like each unique train carrying different people with different personalities that we are fated to meet. When it reaches its destination, we alight and split into our own ways. We'll have our love ones waiting for us at the destination while those that we do not have time to bother will leave us at the stations along the way. We don't carry them along for convenience. They will have their own things to pursue after all. Maybe someday, when the awkwardness finally subsided and the hatchet is buried, we will meet again.

I'm glad that I retreat in an upright manner. I don't upset anyone for I have all the plausible reasons for what I'm doing. Guiltless and free. I don't adorn much of my words. It's all heartfelt like it or not. As I've said, I will not be afraid of rejection in any form. With all my respect, your acceptance really means nothing to me. I'm honored by how I accept myself for who I am and what I want myself not to be. You should go on move about freely with the hippest feat you possess.

Alright, it's getting cranky and compulsive here.

The train shall stop.

I'm dropping off at this station cos I know all my love ones will be there to greet my arrival.

Wish you all the best ahead.