Requiem of 20

Dear blog,

I have some contemplation before my adulthood. In the mean time, I have to put matter of my Uncle's death and tests aside to sit in front of my laptop, stare into nothingness, come out with these writings. I feel compelled eventhough I've tried so hard to prevent any kinda depressing materials published but hands outroared mind very often. Anyways, what do you people usually request to receive on your birthday? Perhaps you say, something to inscribe THE day in your mind forever.Still what? I don't even know what I want when asked by parents for this coming 21st's. Well then, I could have just asked for anything but I didn't because whatever that I want on the surface might not reflect the beneath's. So what if I got more moolahs, more gadgets, more foods...it's just something you already having but greed for MORE beyond the threshold and it goes on forever without being contented. Then I told my parents, I want happiness after I couldn't think of any (of cos they thought I was having them on). On top of that, I think I'll want a chance to see into future or a reminder of an imperfect past or the ability to turn back time or the ability to prevent someone from misfortune...I know it's worse than building castle in the air but let's just say I don't want to be shallow and opting for the unconventionals.

Many birthdays I may have counted off, each and every year it comes around quietly. Do these birthdays make me happy? I would have to say "not really". Just turning from 20 to 21, who is going to view that as a great accomplishment? Can you imagine how many people born on the same year leaping across this age at the same time? Of cos, if a doctor tells me "you will not live beyond the age of 21" and later I greet the dawn of my 24th, that is something worth celebrating. Indeed, a great accomplishment. For better or worse, I have never been handed with this kinda situation so my birthdays never makes me unusually happy. We party then we dismiss. That's for all. Hoping next birthday will be merrier. Conventional.

Now did I just give a big slap on someone else's face or do I sound bitter? Not at all. I have been revolving around few tests and assignment due date this week. So expectedly, yea...but belated ones are no harm rather than none I supposed (i am hypocrite at times). It's just any other day with or without cakes and candles. If you like, celebrate everyday like birthday, buy a cake for yourself whenever you feel like. If you feel the need for a commemoration, go get yourself a tattoo then. Seek for parental advice beforehand, if it's too late, tell yourself "it's easier to be forgiven than to ask for permission"(Ramya's cliche lol).

A reminder to all, please cherish your love ones around you when they are still sound and alive. Do your part before it's too late.

Till then.

XoXo,
Tristan