Identity Crisis
It just hit me hard that how cruel the world actually is...
There has been a subtle change on people around me. I realized I'm getting more cold shoulders. In fact, I might have done something wrong which I have no idea about but I do not recall any except for my ignorance and nonchalance (and some unintentional faux pas sometimes...).
I know I may not be that kind of people who likes to take the initiative to start off conversation nor attempt hard to keep in touch with people but that does not directly frame my personality as what you think. In fact, I am much more in favour of reality side. That is why being a pragmatic person I am, to engage in a face to face conversation comes before phone conversation and online chatting. But then again, there will gonna be a lot of considerations if I was to choose the first one.
Another realization is, when people finally come to an end that they are not able to reap or derive any benefit they want from you anymore, they change. So sad but true, nothing can be preserved from that onwards.
I don't know if it's just part of the adulthood or my maturity outgrew my childishness but I am thankful although I hate to admit the fact that how cruel the world can be. Somehow, the line is clearer now. My stand is more apparent.
To me, at this point of my life, I dare to say that I have lost faith in humans connection albeit just a little but I can't suppress the disappointment that I'm confronting with currently. In my selfish opinion, all mankinds are equally the same : mundane, malevolent, green eyed.......the list goes on. If god ever gives me a chance to reincarnate as a human in my next life, I am seriously considering of turning down the offer. The world doesn't lack of human but humanity, the quality of being a human. How ironic it is. If you're trying to change the world, why not change yourself instead, that saves a lot of works I'd say. Humans are not sacred and not god sent, it is the things that we do which determine the degree of sanctity.
I kinda like this saying that...
When we pray for being loved, do you think god is just gonna give us the love itself? When we pray for peacefulness from god, do you think there will be such thing as "peacefulness" that gonna fall from the sky right into our hands? It is when you really been through a lot of thicks and thins that you found what god has to give from within. If not, you wouldn't cherish.
Blame no one if your wishes are not being answered.
So stop mesmerizing yourself in the virtual world. It's time to come back to reality and face it.
On an irrelevant note, I'm starting to get emo again over a lot of stuffs. It's like I'm really sick of everything around me. I really need to talk to someone whom I can trust a lot. One of these days maybe I'll knock the door of psychologist when every attempts of overcoming went completely futile.
:(
