It's over

Finally,the funeral was over yesterday and right after that I came back to KL immediately.Managed to catch some rest cos I'd not been sleeping since Tuesday and it went on Wednesday midnight where few of us including me have to watch over the altar overnight although I accidentally fell asleep for an hour but ended up with many mosquito bites.The funeral was very mournful and full of sorrow.Although my godma seems to acting very strong but at times she would be dazed with teary eyes.Therefore,we were trying our very best to cheer her up by keep on talking to her.As for my godpa,he seems more agitated and sadder apparently and through out the whole ceromony,he was weeping or if not,teary red eyes.Nevertheless,they both looked haggard and tired.It's like my heart have been torn into million of pieces and burst into tears whenever seeing them in this state.Heaven has made a greatest joke on them!

During the whole night,my heart was puzzled and seems that most of us are unwilling to accept her death or at least couldn't believe what has happened in front of them.It happened too fast.When I peered into the coffin,I was really astounded and couldn't believe my own eyes.Is she the godsis/cousin I used to have lying lifeless inside?Is she the ever gentle,polite,kind and chatty godsis/cousin I used to have?Why was she lying inside and her look almost deformed...again I couldn't help but cried pointlessly!She was only so young...should we accept and compromise to the statement that this is all predestinated?

And yesterday morning,all of us chanted matra for her one last time to make our last tribute for her.Then,they called me and my godbro to make offering to her one last time before they sealed the coffin.That moment really is really the worst in my life.Then the coffin was brought to a van and sent to the cremation room followed my the mourning team behind.Where we chanted mantra once again and then watched the coffin went into the cremation furnace helplessly and the worse add on was we were advised not to cry during that moment in order to let her soul go peacefully and able to rest in peace.Both her parents were not being allowed to present at the cremation ceromony due to some superstitious belief.And all the elderly and older generation had to stand behind too...and the cruellest thing is I was told to stand at the most front position.I was trying my very best to hold back my tears but I keep on hearing my relatives sniveling behind me and couldn't control but dropped some tears while holding the joss stick.

Now that all has over.And I think Ern Hao will be rest in peace in Heaven and standing by the buddhas side.We assume that she's happy now.One thing to affirm,she will live in our heart always and forever,and we will always remember we used to have this good and nice Ern Hao as one of our family members.

This time around,I have to suppress my sorrow and resume my revisions again.Time to gambate once again...

~It's over now~