I Don't Want A Title For This

Alright, just a random thought before I turned in to bed.

I've no idea what makes me into this but I no longer feel the sense of belonging at where I'm stepping on right now. Then it hit me hard with the term, Organic Solidarity (Gesellschaft) that used to describe the urban lifestyle. To briefly elaborate, the term means nothing more than pointing out the nonchalance, coldness, ignorance, robotic and etc. of urban dwellers. Further reveals that, social bonds in urban are based on specialization and interdependence. It may sound foreign to you but like it or not, it's a piece of fact. By specialization, it means each of us needs to magnify the scope of a certain particular field that they are good in in order to benefit society and brings people toward them. For example, when the first time you met a person, you will have asked him question like "what do you do for living?" and slowly finds benefit which you can reap out of the conversation. To simplify the statement, you respect you lecturers simply because they are smarter than you in certain fields and you learn things from them. However, if they are being stripped off from all their knowledge, will you still respect them as you used to be? Eventually, this brings out interdependence where we get along with each other today to depend on them more than we really want to be with them for no reasons at all.

I realise friends that I made after a certain level of my life cannot go far beyond interest group. Like, there's something common and beneficial for us that brings us together. Well, I won't deny that it's the basic function of how a relationship starts nowadays. I mean you won't acquainted a person who pop up and say hi to you and walk off. Perhaps you think he's just being lunatic or what. More often than not, we get along together because we need something from each other instead of we get along together because we want to get along together, no further. I can make a clear example here from what I encountered from my college's club, nice to have a slogan of "Friendship above service..." or some sort of words close to that meaning. The chairman claims that all the members will be treated like one family. We sing club songs, play games, interact and so on but the upon closer observation. I realized it's just like any other social organization around. It's all about interests, be it personal or common ones. Favouritism overrule common goal. Slogan as a new way of spreading propaganda. It's very ironic in a way that I don't even know how to bring into words vividly. You know I just sense that I don't belong to there even I've been there for like 1 semester, that's about 4 months. I feel like a misfit member being stucked at some obligations that I never promised to get involded. I've lost autonomy. I have to put on masks (which explains why I'm often so quiet in class or club cos I hate to do that). I have to listen to "words that are often louder than actions". Sounds familiar eh? Isn't it nicely reflected our in house political scenes? It may not be true and I can be generalizing things but that's not the crucial part cos I think I digress a little. Just my 20 cents.

But I'm glad I still have friends who will just be with me for the sake of drawing our relationship closer or simply they just want to be together for who we are. Not being together for what we are because we need to.

Though, most of us can't be around together all times but deep down we know we won't feel awkward even after years apart. That's the chemical and feel good factors in common.

Goodnight.