Wednesday insomnia
I can't really sleep and the clock is tickling near 2 am now. Have to crawl up early for worms, yea you wish, for WORK! That's a common symptom when I start working for the first few days. Reluctance. Co-workers are cordial, in fact overpowering beyond acceptance. They can just keep mouthing uncontrollably next to my ears without looking at my expression, I was practically rolling my eyes and pinching my palm beneath hoping them to stop whilst holding back my fists as well. At this point, you would think that I'm being hostile or what but I bet you will think otherwise when you are in my shoes. I've no clue about why youngster (below 20) these days are repleted with excessive frivolous ambitions, perhaps due to my premature full-fledged grown-up personality that leads me to this thought. Well, being a jovial gentleman I am, my ears are compelled to stuff in those words pretending that I was actually pretty admire their spirits. Dude, it's good to harbour dreams but please do make effort to materialise it otherwise you are just a doormat or weakling. I especially hate it when they kept telling me how well the sales in TC, fuck you, CS is topping the list in any case for years and yours truly senior here has been working in CS stall for 2 years and who are you to rant about what's happening in TC, look at me, been-there-done-there! Can't blame them cos they probably didn't bring along their eyeballs or lack of iris. I really couldn't care less...afterall kids say the darnest things when they are still clean palettes :)
Spending a few days at home doesn't make any difference from isolating myself in Subang Jaya. Home is figuratively getting far apart from what I've been wishing for, a shelter for my hopeless soul but nowadays, home to me is just yet another stopping-by. No longer having cryptical meaning. Simple as it is, 4 pieces of concretes with roof overhead, an insensate construction. Can't get any simpler.....how sad. Don't be amiss la, I'm not emo-ing here but I have been stifling to much of frustrations so ought to be released once in a while lest I'll turn into another breakdown. And yesh, I have haywire mentality, sad aye? Unless anyone out there can bear their ears for me to pour out, I bet there are any...like none haha.
Having thinking of so many also reminds me of how silly I was to fall for a person who will never ever fancy me...haha. I know I'm stoic la but still I'm made of flesh and bones. If you were to ask me do I still having the same feeling towards the person I crushed on. I won't gonna elaborate much as it's complicated and probably blasphemous. Just hope that my silent affection will be acknowledged one day and I don't know when will it be but...just watch as the days go by. Used to be very fragile in emotional management when the crush was at its optimum but you see, since it's only an one way admiration relationship, I shall hold back a bit and stop going beyond stupidity. Hope that person will realise eventually even after the feeling has gone...I don't mind anyway. I'm chickened.
....seriously. I have no one. No one can be trusted better say. I'm misanthropic. Blame me for all you want. I don't care. That's how I feel. Period.
