Lessons
I've learned to let go something I shouldn't have and won't be able to have a grip on.
It's something that shouldn't be existed at the first place.
I sat beside my lonely fire and pray for my wisdom yet,
for the calmness to remember or the courage to forget?
That it is hard to choose but I need ample of courages to forget them than to remember.
Strange ain't it?
I just feel pointless and not worthy to myself, my ego, my self esteem, my disorderedness, my thoughts, my love ones around me.
Thus, came the decision.
Nonetheless, I shall keep them as phantom or better say, dream that I've made in every regular night, well, although I hardly dream these days.
A dream that I've stood in the middle of a stream of people flowing towards you while I'm standing still watching them moving idly into your direction. There it is, I just watch even if I don't feel like doing it but as I said, it is just a dream that people made. Dream is unrealistic, surreal and away from the track albeit it can be nice sometimes. I won't wanna say much as I despise dream makers, dream weavers...a lot of time they just said but careless to materialize them. They are wusses who only harbour dreams. It can't be me. I am pragmatic and ridiculously down to earth.
I've heard comments on me, people sound me as a cocky and arrogant wacko who owns nothing but higher chin. You see, I can't care less about it. I know what I'm doing. I'm so disinterested sometimes to even look at people around me. I hate the ugly side of humans. They (we) can fight over puny stuffs and see bloods. At the end of the day, regret. So what's the point? Rotation? Metamorphosis? Karma? Don't be blindfolded, they are just sugar coated lies people put into your mouths. Excuses. What I'll like to say is, we MUST pay for what we've done.
Why can't we face it when we the reality is raw, naked and truth before us.
We humiliate our souls, hopes, anticipations, consciences, inners...
We choose to believe phony matters, slap a thick-ful of bogus and tricks to live up to something could have be seen insignificant to us or otherwise. We went all happily and joyous at the dinner table of blank laughters at this side, turn around to the contrary, look at the loneliness within, darkness behind, self infliction there of? What about those? We can't even afford to be mono in a minute moment. We whine, we emo, we cry, we holler, we mutilate like a toddle, like a mindless soul bimbo-himbo with nothing better to do but think that life is always at the vertical extreme. In any case, other things around just don't matter anymore...
And at the end of the day, what do we get?
